Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Search Engine Wars

This post is not my creation, but rather an observation.

SEO is one of the new jobs on my head. So I did my own SEO analysis of my blog.

Here's the list of keyword that makes Google spider throw up my blog in the entries -

1. Bitchy blog (Jokes will not be appreciated, especially since my blog comes only in the third page ; )
2. supari.com
3. abhimanyu girotra (The regular drunk, who visits my blog irregularly.)
4. satan greeting card
5. satan keys manager
6. im gonna murder you (I take special credit for this one. It appears in 6th number, in first page :D)
7. ambuja cement mazboot cement (there are ONLY 2 results for this search. One is mine. The other is not Ambuja Cement.)
8. rahul ghandi - satanic (If Congressmen looked at this spelling, they will search the person and sue him/her)
9. drivar ne choda mujhe (Incredibly at 5th rank, despite the wrong spelling)
10. vodka for computers
11. what to say in a christmas card to your boss
12. christmas card to your boss
13. what to say on a birthday card to your boss
14. satan donkey
15. politicians satan
16. donkeys with horns

And here are a few interesting observation, presented unofficially in association with Alexa.

1. Indonesians LOVE forums. Filipinos LOVE games. Indians LOVE social networking.
2. Filipinos, I believe represents the biggest gay community, coz Guys4men.com appears at # 53 in Top 100 traffic rankings for Philippines.
3. Yahoo is the world's favouraite mail site.

ok, 'nuff said.

Now here is the killer discovery I made -

'Search engine' search in Google, doesn't show Google!

Here's a screenshot, to prove my point.


Not in the first page...but Google UK appears in Page 3, which is way below Yahoo, also in the 3rd page.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Kalyug ka Ramayan

Rama and Laxmana walking together enter the scene. Rama yelling "Seeta! Seeta!"

Rama : Laxmana, I cannot see your sister-in-law! She's not in the house...kahaan gayi hogi?"

Laxmana : Arre bhaiya, Big Bazaar mein 50% off...waheen shopping karne gayee hongi! Mobile mein call karke kyun nahin dekhte?

Rama calls Seeta

Rama : Not reachable! Ab kya karoon?

(spots her ornaments)

Rama : Ek minute! Ye to tumhare bhabhi ke hain!

Laxmana : Aapko kaise pata ye bhabhi ke hain?

Rama : Abbe yaar! Isi ka EMI bharte bharte to aaj main yahaan is haal mein aa gaya!

Laxmana : Yahaan par koi struggle hua hai!

Rama : Oh no!

Laxman : Yahaan par footsteps hain...ek to bhabhi ke hain...aur doosra kisi junglee aadmi ka lagta hai.

Rama : He Bhagwan! Meri Seeta theek to hogi na!

Laxman : Yahaan par ek flight aayi thi....Mtti ke direction ko dekhkar lagta flight us direction mein gayi hogi....humein bhi isi direction mein jaana chahiye.

Rama : Not bad Laxman! Horlicks peene ka faayda nazar aa raha hai?

Laxman : Chalo bhaiya, jaldi chalein.

Rama : Par wahaan tak chalke jaana hoga??

Laxman : Arre bhaiya! Naheen!! "TAXI!!"

Rama : Jaane kaisi hogi meri Sita!

Laxman : Bhaiya chinta kyun karte ho....bhabhi to black belt hain!

Rama : Phir bhi...


They spot the garuda....lying on the concrete road.


Laxman : Arre taxi walle bhaiya ruko!

Taxiwalla : Main har ghante wait karne ke 40 Rs charge karta hoon!

Laxman : Abbe teri....dhakkan! Kameene! Ullu ke paththe! Dimaag ghaas charne gaya hai? Baaki Taxi waale 50 Rs maangte hain....tu sirf 40 maang raha hai?

Rama : Arre....40 se khush hai to 40 lene do....tumhara kya jaata hai?

Laxmana : Magar Rama bhaiyya....


Getting down from taxi...


Garuda : Tum Rama ho? Kya tum apni biwi ko dhoondh rahe ho?

Rama : Haan magar aap....

Garuda : Main us plane ka pilot hoon! Ab kambakht kalyug mein pet bharne ke liye mujhe ye bhi karna pada...
Magar main to boodha garuda hoon saab! Kambakht Auto Pilot ka zamaana hai...Ravana ne mujhe dhakel kar plane ko le gaya!

Rama : Magar woh le kahaan gaya hai?

Garuda : Sri Lanka....waheen par Ravana ka rajya hai.
Aapki biwi ne aapke liye ye goggles bhi chhoda hai...


Rama sees it 'fastrack...haan ye bhi Seeta ke special goggles hain.


Wears it.

Goggle plays "This message is self destructory in 30 seconds"
Message : Hello Rama! This bloke is taking me to Sri Lanka without even a VISA! Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllpppppppppppppppp!!"

Rama takes off the goggles and throws it....it explodes.

Rama : To phir dadaji...

Garuda : Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

Rama : I mean...bhaiyya....

Garuda : Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

Rama : I mean...beta.....ye Ravana rehte kahaan hain?

Garuda : Don't worry, uska visiting card mere paas hai....


gives visiting card...


Laxmana : Bhaiyya, humein jald se jald nikalna chahiye....

Rama : Magar inka kya karein?

Garuda : Meri chinta mat karo...main apni girfriend ko phone kar doonga.

Rama : Beta, tumhari girlfriend kahaan rehti hai?

Garuda : Woh Lake Pulicat mein chutti mana rahi hai

Laxmana : Oh...phir to bahut der ho jayegi....hum Menaka Gandhi ko phone kar dete hain! Zyada jaldi aa jayengi

Rama : Laxmana....tum woh sab intezam karo...main Taxi Driver se wahaan tak jaane ka kiraya baat kar leta hoon.

(After everything is settled, they board the taxi, leaving garuda in Menaka Gandhi's care)

Laxmana : Baap re....itni jaldi to bijli bhi naheen aati!!!

(They are driving in full speed...)

Rama : Arre....ye kya.....bandar jaisa ek aadmi chala aa raha hai!

Laxmana : Gaur se dekho bhaiya, woh Andrew Symonds hai. Taxi wale bhiayya! RUKO!


They get down.


Rama : Hi! Tumhara naam kya hai?

Hanuman : Mera naam...And...And And.....dhat. Maine bahut paap kiya hain...Indian Cricket Team ke khilaaf. God ne mujhe punish kiya ke jab tak main aapki seva naa karoon.....tab tak main century nahin bana paaoonga.

Rama, main aapki madad karoonga.

Laxmana : Good....ab Lanka tak udo aur vaapas aao.

Hanuman : Sorry....depression mein mujhe bulimia ho gaya....aur....main bahut khana kha kar mota ho gaya. Doctor ne mujh udne se mana kiya hai.

Laxmana : Tumhari sehat ke liye?

Hanuman : Naheen, mere co-passengers ki sehat ke liye.

Main aapke saath Taxi mein chaloonga. Taxi ka bhaada main doonga.


Rama and Laxmana shrug. They all get in the taxi and move on!
The reach the port of Kanyakumari.


Rama : Laxmana.....ab hum paar kaise karen?

Laxman : Thoda intezaar karo bhaiya

Rama : Arre....woh kya? Ek Ship aa raha hai?

Laxmana : Woh hamare liye hi aa rahen hain bhaiya. Hum usi mein Sri Lanka tak jaayenge

Rama : Par ticket?

Laxmana : Chinta mat karo bhaiya, maine aate hue, makemytrip.com mein saara intezaam kar diya.

Rama : Wah mere bhai Laxman! Main tujhe aashirvaad deta hoon, is baar tera US ka Visa zaroor pass ho jayega!

Laxmana : Thank you bhaiya.


Ship nears.


Rama : Ye kya!! Ship mein to saare bandar bhare hain!

Laxman : Arre, phir gaur se dekho bhaiya....Indian team Sri Lanka ke daure ke liye nikal rahi hai. Usne bhi aapse kripa paane ke liye aapki seva mein utar aaye.

Hanuman : Cricket....(sniff)


They board the ship.
Travel to Lanka.
Confront Ravana.

Fight breaks out.


Rama heads for the kill...Ravana. Ravana rushes towards Rama. They both point their AK - 47s.

Suddenly....

Ravana : RAM01010101????

Rama : Raven 007??

Ravana : Well how are you buddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???


The war comes to a stanstill.


Rama : You kidnapped my wife!

Ravana : Sorry Rama! The idiot scriptwriter asked me to. But see the positive....we are finally meeting in person....and not in Orkut!

Rama : I hope she is ok....

Ravana : Absolutely!

Orders servant to get Sita.

Rama : Tum ho kaise??

Ravana : Sorry....Hinti nahi.

Rama : I said how are you?

Ravana : Great...but feeling bad.....to atone my sins....I offer a free holiday for everyone, sponsored by the Lanka tourism board.

Crowd : For everyone!?

Ravana : Yes! Let's go!

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Desktop of a sincere worker



And no, that is not mine.