Satan's Unofficial Blog

Mother of the Year!

2010-12-09T22:04:00.000-08:00

And, this Year's Mother of the Year Award goes to..........

Funny News Headline

2010-10-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

Couldn't they have really thought anything else....ANYTHING??

Explaining snake in the CWG village's room

2010-09-30T05:10:00.000-07:00

Apparently a snake was found in the Commonwealth Games village's room, occupied by South Africans. A few logical explanations...

1. If donkeys and monkeys can be in the Organizing Committee....why can't a snake be in one of the rooms.

2. The snake smelled a rat in CWG.

3. It was part of the entertainment troupe of the snake charmer's band....but the snake charmers left, coz Kalmadi asked them to do their duty for free.

4. The snake was depressive/suicidal...and was counting on the room's ceiling to die.

5. Snakes, mosquitoes, cockroaches....everything was part of the deal...the Chef de Missions should have read the fine print.

6. The room was originally meant for Chinese...and the snake was a surprise snack.

7. It was for security reasons....really!

8. It was actually Kalmadi disguised as a snake....trying to avoid questions like "What exactly did you do as the Chairman of OC?", or "What exactly did you do as the Chairman of OC?" or the journalists' personal favourite "What exactly did you do as the Chairman of OC??"

9. The snake was protesting the fact that it wasn't given a good land compensation.

10. It was all about language barrier. Anyone in the OC (except Kalmadi) must have told the worker to fill the cupboard with "snacks" and the worker must have interpreted it as "Fill the cupboard with snakes". Not only our sense of hygiene....our sense of pronunciation is very different too!

Anyone got any other explanation???

If history had facebook!

2010-08-24T01:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is no original....but really good found at funtoosh and the best way to say that I'm STILL ALIVE!!!!

Shoaib's statement after divorcing his "sister"

2010-04-08T05:18:00.000-07:00

"Arre, I was told that it's an autograph notebook...so I signed it. Now they tell me it was divorce papers."

...And Top 5 things your mom would never wanna hear!

2010-03-05T01:06:00.000-08:00

1. (Guy or gal) "Mom...I'm gay"

2. (Gal) "Mom...I'm pregnant"

3. (Gal) "Mom...I'm pregnant and the guy is not of our religion."

4. (Guy) "Mom...I'm in love with a gal...she's from Somalia and ummm....her dad is a politician"

5. (Guy) "Mom....I'm taking part in Rakhi ka swayamvar Part II."
OR (Gal) "Mom...I'm taking part in Rahul Phirse Dulhania Le Jayenge...stipulated to air 1 year from now."

And....a bonus

6. (Guy or gal) "Mom....I want an operation done to enhance my looks....it's umm....errr....a sex change operation."

Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T08:11:00.000-08:00

img courtesy: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/

My forensic analysis

2009-12-27T08:51:00.000-08:00

It was the most boring traffic jam in T.Nagar. It seemed like I was stuck for eternity. Then I glanced at the passengers sitting on the bike in front of me. It was a guy and a gal. The gal had long hair, which she had let it loose.

My mind began my forensic analysis. She was in her jeans....so I assumed that she was a bit modern, though from middle class as she was plump...and dint care about her figure.

Then I noticed scratches in her hand ....I noticed how deep they were and there were 2 distinct lines.....someone must have cut her hands. I presumed that she lived alone with her husband. They hardly talked.

I saw it all and came to the conclusion. The man must be a merciless woman beater!! They must have had a fight. The wounds were fresh. They must have had a fight yesterday night. The sore loser must have lost the argument. To feel superior, he must have tried to injure her. Heck, he must have cut her hand with a blade!!

Bloody, friggin...asshole. Men! Why should they treat women like dirt? But one day they will learn. One day, women will rise. The day women listen to their inner heart. Fire will wrath. The fury will burn men to nothing.

I wanted to make a serious dent on his bike..as a punishment against my community. The traffic started clearing. I made my plan....as he would accelerate...I would ACCELERATE and hit him from behind. He would look back....but by that time...I would have already be ahead of him....lost in the swarm of traffic. Yes! I could finally figure out the purpose of my existence...the torchbearer of Women Empowerment. I felt like a big accomplisher already.

Traffic cleared. He started riding slowly.

Just when I was about to race my accelerator to make a dent...the man in front turned back and asked the 'woman' "Brother, where is the petrol bunk?"

Excuses you can use for forgetting someone's birthday!

2009-11-29T13:45:00.002-08:00

1. Really?? It was your birthday....coz you really don't a look a day older than your 16th Birthday.

2. I didn't forget your birthday...look at the future.....walking sticks, boiled vegetables, annoying grand kids.....I was just being polite.

3. The card I sent you last year...was meant for this year, sent 1 year in advance. Didn't you notice?

4. I thought I'd send you some flowers....but they'd wither. I thought I'd send you some cake...but it'd vanish. I thought I'd send you some wishes.......but what the hell will you do with it?? So i just shut up.

5. ok...i forgot!!

6. I didn't forget your birthday. I was embarrassed by the gift I bought for you....a potato peeler. It's the recession you know!

7. I bought you an MP3 Player....in installments. I received the batteries just yesterday.

8. Don't you dare say I forgot your birthday! I bought you a one way air-ticket to Dar Fur. Let me know when you'd like to go.

9. I wrote an SMS poem for you...."Rses r rd, vlets r blu, may lrd mke ur dy vry spl....a vry Hpy Brthdy 2 u" But since I pay per character for SMS, to save money...I sent you " ". Didn't you get it??

10. I dedicated a song for you in Kabalah-Al-Hukm-e-Jihad TV............ummm....you don't watch that channel?? Ummm.....you don't get that channel???

11. I didn't wish you coz I was busy praying and fasting for your long life. Burp!

12. YOU started it! It was YOU, who forgot to wish me on Feb 3rd....the National Carrot Day.

13. Birthday is for fools!! Ignoramus morons waste their time in celebrating a day of no significance when the only aim of your life should be to surrender yourself to the almighty and.................

No title!!!

2009-11-29T09:18:00.000-08:00

I was just browsing through my blog and was shocked to note how little I am posting.

Well...life is hard and you get little time to post when your busy schedule includes waking up at 8...ok 9.....fine 10!! Then rush to watch TV, browse internet, eat, have a cuppa, have another cuppa open the Word doc of the book you writing, admire your writing skills and imagine being awarded the Pulitzer Prize, close without adding another word and mentally promise self to complete it later and of course crash on the couch for some more TV.

Considering I have 5 Followers now (Thank you soooooooooooooooooo much....you make life worth living!!), I have decided to be more responsible....even if it means slogging my fingers to visit someone else's blog, pressing Ctrl + A, followed by Ctrl + C and finally Ctrl + V.

Presenting.... Top 10 SMS Jokes of the Year and Decade, unofficially sponsored by funtoosh.com

1. Studies in India -

Portions - 8 GB
We study - 8 MB
We remember & write - 8 KB
Marks we get - Binary digits!

2. The Telegram

Son to Father -
No Money. No fun...your son.

Father to Son -
Too bad. Very sad....your dad.

3. Situation in Pakistan -

Before Zardari -
Pakistan Zindabad!

After Zardari -
Pakistan se Zinda Bhaag!

4. Cockroach in hospital -

2 cockroaches r admitted side/side in hospital.

1st: Baygon??
2nd : No....Paragon!

5. My Deewana -

Koi paththar se na mare mere deewane ko.
Aji, nuclear ka zamana hai....bomb se uda do saale ko!

6. Blackmail at times of recession -

If u don't raise my salary...I'll tell every1 in the company tat u raised my salary.

7. A very Madhu poem -

Madhu Koda, Madhu Koda
Yes baba
Cheating us?
No baba
Telling lies?
No baba
Open your balance sheet
Ha Ha Ha!

8. Pappu's Translation -

Teacher: Pappu, translate from Hindi to English "Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hai!"

Pappu: Tablets are walking in the market.

9. Fill in the blanks!

Fill in the blank with 'Yes' OR 'No'

______, I'm an idiot!

10. Rahul Gandhi ki shaadi!

Q. Rahul Gandhi ki shaadi kyon nahin hoti??
A. Kyonki har jagah likha hai "Soniaji ko bahu-mat do!"

....and a bonus......

11. The 3 stages of life -

Teenage
Energy + Time...but no money.

Working Age
Energy + Money...but no time.

Old Age
Time + Money...but no energy!

Saying Goodbye...What they say VS. What they mean

2009-09-13T10:33:00.000-07:00

"I'm pretty much surprised to leave now."
I never thought I'd survive this long.

"While mingling with all of you, it never felt like I'm working for a big organisation."
I thought I was working for Cartoon Network.

"This is the best Company in the industry."
....to jeopardise your career.

"Working here was great experience."
It has made me realise that I'm not such a big idiot as I thought I was.

"I wish you all 'Best of Luck' for your successful future."
...because you need a lot of luck to get there.

"I learned a lot from you all."
I learnt the meaning of 'Loser'

"I'm gonna miss working here."
Especially coz the lunch here was Yumm!

"You all have a great future."
Since I'm leaving...

"I would like to thank you all for your support."
Thank you for staying off my face every morning.

"It was very tough for me to do this."
I had a really tough time in finding a new job.

"Please stay in touch."
I have already deleted your contacts from my phone and brain...so in future, if I blink at you...don't be surprised.

"With great difficulty I say goodbye."
Boy! I can't wait to get out.

A Health Tip in this era of obesity

2009-08-24T03:52:00.001-07:00

Politeness for modern homo sapien sapien sapien

2009-08-04T08:21:00.000-07:00

Lessons in politeness is indeed, need of the hour! Here's help ;) Try saying the ones below, instead of the ones above.

"You're so stupid!"
Your talents lie in unconventional departments.

"Lazy bitch"
You lack motivation.

"Learn to drive faster you snail"
I believe your vehicle has the potential to speed up.

"Get out of my way!"
I believe the space you are leaving for me is inadequate.

"You fatty!"
Your circumference is above average.

"Stop whining"
You are overwhelming me with your emotions.

"You're wrong asshole"
My knowledge tells me that you might have deviated a little from facts.

"Go, fuck yourself"
You could use a little Art of Living Classes.

"I hope you rot in hell"
May you get what you deserve.

hahahahahaha!

2009-07-26T03:31:00.000-07:00

Found this jewel is Rediff.com Messageboard -

Congress will announce changing of its emblem to a condom as it will accurately reflect its present political stance.

A condom allows inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation and gives u a sense of security while you are actually being fucked!

So what are you doing right now??

2009-07-17T01:01:00.000-07:00

This is one annoying question that people, who can't mind their own business , are fond of asking, to people who have no business to mind.

Considering I fall in the latter's category right now, here are creative ways of answering that question.

1. I am actively contributing to the Oxygen cycle, Carbon cycle, Nitrogen cycle and Water cycle of the planet.

2. I am overlooking the mitosis occurring in the weeds of my garden.

3. I am contributing to the revenue of T.V channels by being a statistic of their TRPs.

4. I am researching "How many hours sitting in front of computer can be bad for your gluteus maximus."...no really!!

5. I am drafting all the useful work done by the government.

6. I am into "neighbourhood watch" program.

7. I am trying to discover what one can do when they are doing nothing.

8. I am all into yoga now. I invented static-asana.

And last, but not the least -

9. I am blogging. Wanna read it??

Nobody does : (

Why, Why, Why?!!?!?

2009-05-28T07:03:00.000-07:00

WHY the HELL people don't consult EXPERTS before giving a name to their Company?????

ANUS LABS: What's the buzz? mmmmpph haaahahahahahaha!!

Top 5 Reasons why Rahul baba SHOULD become PM

2009-01-16T00:58:00.000-08:00

Reason # 5 -
He has unmatched intelligence - Yes...it's true! Just ask him what is 2+2. If he says any number between 1 and 177533361345, it would speak volumes about his wisdom accumulated over the years and his unquestionable leadership at the tender age of 38.

Reason #4 -
Dalit Empowerment - Rahul baba would wed Maya madam. Hopefully behenji would forget the hot seat after becoming the first lady.

Reason #3 -
A clean PM - Rahul baba will not indulge in corruption, mud slinging, cheap politics, etc, etc, etc. Coz he has better things to do....like nothing....the exact thing he did between exiting Harvard and entering Lok Sabha. Hey Congress sycophants...STOP! I am taking this from credible sources...see here. Maybe Pizza will become cheaper....

Reason #2 -
He would clear all illusions people have about the Congress - Congress ka haath...aam aadmi ke saath.....by end of his rule....Aam aadmi ka middle finger Congress ke saath!

Reason #1 -
You would see this blog updated more frequently - Now that's the best reason of all!!!! Vote for Congress! Vote for Congress!*

* This is supposedly and widely believed to be a humor blog. Please think twice before voting!

Ho hum didley dum

2009-01-03T07:28:00.000-08:00

Tamil Nadu is a state known to think ahead of its times...the bureaucrats we have are very functional. Just check out the Registration page of Tamil Nadu Electricity Board to pay bill online!*

* I absolutely do not intend any humor in this. It is high time society started treating trans gender. Yes, the only humor intended is the fact that a government organisation that is taking the first step! Infact Star Vijay airs a show hosted by a trans gender. Check it out here.

Interview with George Dubya Bush

2008-05-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

Indian Reporter (IR): Hello Mr. Bush. Good morning!

Bush: Good morning??? It's almost night time here....hey, are you from India?

IR: Mmmm, err well, yes Mr. Bush. Thanks for joining in. I would begin the Interview by asking, what were your major achievements in your 4 year tenure.

Bush: Yes, that would be discovering the root cause of all the problems in the world.

IR: Let me take wild guess. Iraq?

Bush: No, that would be India.

IR: How is that?

Bush: India has a huge population. They consume a lot of resources.

IR: Mmmm, err, but US also happens to have the 3rd largest population in the World, though much lesser than India and China, but still 3rd largest. How do you explain that?

Bush: Well that is due to India.

IR: India!!?

Bush: Yes. Lots of Indians moving in, increasing the population of US. Moreover, India's awareness about condoms has largely reduced the supply in here. So more births.

IR: So why did you ban abortion?

Bush: Yes, that is because of India. Now in future, we need to be ahead of them in something.

IR: So how are you dealing with the food crisis? What do you think is the reason?

Bush: The reason for the food crisis is obviously increased consumption of food in India.

IR: But according to a statistic, US consumes 5 times more than an average Indian.

Bush: Yes, the increased consumption of food in US is due to India.

IR: How the hell is it due to India!??

Bush: Indians have snatched away a lot of jobs. Americans feel insecure, so they feel stressed. And in stress, a person eats more. So India is responsible.

IR: According to a statistic tonnes of food was destroyed due to drought or incessant rains. Climate change is responsible for the low food. Global Warming is the real reason. So what do you think about that?

Bush: Yes, there is climate change. And India is responsible for that.

IR: Again? How is that?

Bush: Yes, India is guzzling up more petrol. Therefore increased Carbon dioxide, so we have global warming.

IR: But India's carbon footprint is 1.2. American's footprint is 20.6!

Bush: Ya, for the increased footprint of Americans, India is responsible.

IR: How is India responsible for that??

Bush: Since India is snatching away all the jobs, Americans have to travel more, in search of a job. Also we have to burn the midnight oil to make the ends meet.

IR: So I suppose for every resource deficiency, India is responsible.

Bush: Yes. absolutely.

IR: So tell me, how the hell did you manage to screw up Iraq war?

Bush: Yes, that got screwed up. India is responsible for that.

IR: Are you outta your mind??? How was/is India responsible?

Bush: Since aviation sector has now largely developed in India, global aviation fuel spiralled up. So we had to cut down on our expenditure. We couldn't get in as many armed force personnel we wanted to.

IR: If you weren't sure, why did you take this headache in first place?

Bush: As I said, India is responsible.

IR: How is India responsible for that?????????????!!!!

Bush: Since you Indians are using a lot of gas, we had to find an alternate source.

IR: But I thought, you attacked Iraq fearing Weapons of Mass Destruction!

Bush: Oh! Did I? India is responsible for this goof up.

IR: NOW how India is responsible?

Bush: When I made that decision, I just had a paneer tikka, which is an Indian dish....very strong spices. So I manage to screw up. So, no doubt, India is responsible for that.

IR: Coming to Iraq war, therefore the terror attack, why did such a disaster even take place?

Bush: Well, yes, India is responsible for that.

IR: I knew you would say that! How?

Bush: Since a lot of Indians are moving in, we had no choice but to create space in the city be making tall buildings.

IR: And Osama, you never caught him.

Bush: Yes, it is all because of India.

IR: HOW THE HELL IS INDIA RESPONSIBLE??????????????????????????

Bush: Bollywood movie's influence is increasing in Pakistan. The troops there are mentally scarred by watching the movies. They are not able to devote ther 100% in looking for Osama.

IR: Many people blame that yours was the worst tenure in the history of America. What do you have to say about that?

Bush: Well...

IR: Let me guess, India is responsible for that.

Bush: That's right!!!

IR: But how?

Bush: That I am yet to figure out. I am not sure how, I have asked Condoleezza to look for the reason, but I am sure India is responsible. I am positive.

IR: Err, Mr. Bush, thank you for the interview. I am sure it is way beyond your bedtime.

Bush: It is!! Now I won't be able to sleep! I won't be able to take the right decisions tomorrow because I won't be able to sleep. ALL BECAUSE OF THAT REPORTER! ALL BECAUSE OF INDIA........

So I quit!*

2008-05-06T03:25:00.000-07:00

It was a typical day. Sun was rising from the west. Cows were flying. Birds were barking. And on such a seemingly normal day, I did the unthinkable. I quit my job.

The itch began a few months back. The days when -

I had nothing to do but browse the internet. I WAS BLOODY HELL GETTING PAID TO WATCH ONLINE VIDEOS!!!!
I used to enter office by 10:00 AM and leave by 5:29 PM
Had no job pressure whatsoever!
Had a salary I could brag about.

And I thought - "To hell with this life!" I quit my job, my perfect perfect job. Rage was my home for 1.5 yrs. I worked with some of the most annoying and yet the people I can never forget (yup, they were that good!). Then the time comes when you have to leave. Little birdies have to leave the nest to fly high...or whatever you might wanna call.

A few good things I will miss -

1. The people - When I broke the news, my seniors told my that it is a great move and would greatly help my career.

2. High speed internet connection - Youtube vidoes played like makhkhan.

3. Evening snacks - Surya sweets' pizza, paav bhaaji, chana chaat, samosa, etc, etc

And a few things which I will not miss -

1. The job - I was fed up writing "Make your dreams come true". I didn't have a choice. Once I had to visit Top 25 websites of a few countries to check which bank ad appeared in those websites. My bad luck! The job was assigned to me because I had nothing to do. My bad luck! Many among the Top 25 websites were porn sites. My bad luck! Not many people knew about the project. : (

2. Tea - The tea was orangish-brown-white in colour and tasted like %^&*@.

In short, I would surely miss the place. I will not miss the work.

And I am entering a place where -

Job pressure is as high as sitting at the bottom of Mount Etna.
Overtime, night stay is as common as Bush blaming India for global warming/food crisis
Work is inversely proportional to Bush's IQ.

New job! Here I come to get screwed!

* Caapirighter promises its readers that this was the last post wallowing in self pity. She will not dedicate another post about herself. Satan swears it on Bush.

Search Engine Wars

2008-03-19T01:27:00.000-07:00

This post is not my creation, but rather an observation.

SEO is one of the new jobs on my head. So I did my own SEO analysis of my blog.

Here's the list of keyword that makes Google spider throw up my blog in the entries -

1. Bitchy blog (Jokes will not be appreciated, especially since my blog comes only in the third page ; )
2. supari.com
3. abhimanyu girotra (The regular drunk, who visits my blog irregularly.)
4. satan greeting card
5. satan keys manager
6. im gonna murder you (I take special credit for this one. It appears in 6th number, in first page :D)
7. ambuja cement mazboot cement (there are ONLY 2 results for this search. One is mine. The other is not Ambuja Cement.)
8. rahul ghandi - satanic (If Congressmen looked at this spelling, they will search the person and sue him/her)
9. drivar ne choda mujhe (Incredibly at 5th rank, despite the wrong spelling)
10. vodka for computers
11. what to say in a christmas card to your boss
12. christmas card to your boss
13. what to say on a birthday card to your boss
14. satan donkey
15. politicians satan
16. donkeys with horns

And here are a few interesting observation, presented unofficially in association with Alexa.

1. Indonesians LOVE forums. Filipinos LOVE games. Indians LOVE social networking.
2. Filipinos, I believe represents the biggest gay community, coz Guys4men.com appears at # 53 in Top 100 traffic rankings for Philippines.
3. Yahoo is the world's favouraite mail site.

ok, 'nuff said.

Now here is the killer discovery I made -

'Search engine' search in Google, doesn't show Google!

Here's a screenshot, to prove my point.

Not in the first page...but Google UK appears in Page 3, which is way below Yahoo, also in the 3rd page.

Kalyug ka Ramayan

2008-03-03T03:18:00.000-08:00

Rama and Laxmana walking together enter the scene. Rama yelling "Seeta! Seeta!"

Rama : Laxmana, I cannot see your sister-in-law! She's not in the house...kahaan gayi hogi?"

Laxmana : Arre bhaiya, Big Bazaar mein 50% off...waheen shopping karne gayee hongi! Mobile mein call karke kyun nahin dekhte?

Rama calls Seeta

Rama : Not reachable! Ab kya karoon?

(spots her ornaments)

Rama : Ek minute! Ye to tumhare bhabhi ke hain!

Laxmana : Aapko kaise pata ye bhabhi ke hain?

Rama : Abbe yaar! Isi ka EMI bharte bharte to aaj main yahaan is haal mein aa gaya!

Laxmana : Yahaan par koi struggle hua hai!

Rama : Oh no!

Laxman : Yahaan par footsteps hain...ek to bhabhi ke hain...aur doosra kisi junglee aadmi ka lagta hai.

Rama : He Bhagwan! Meri Seeta theek to hogi na!

Laxman : Yahaan par ek flight aayi thi....Mtti ke direction ko dekhkar lagta flight us direction mein gayi hogi....humein bhi isi direction mein jaana chahiye.

Rama : Not bad Laxman! Horlicks peene ka faayda nazar aa raha hai?

Laxman : Chalo bhaiya, jaldi chalein.

Rama : Par wahaan tak chalke jaana hoga??

Laxman : Arre bhaiya! Naheen!! "TAXI!!"

Rama : Jaane kaisi hogi meri Sita!

Laxman : Bhaiya chinta kyun karte ho....bhabhi to black belt hain!

Rama : Phir bhi...

They spot the garuda....lying on the concrete road.

Laxman : Arre taxi walle bhaiya ruko!

Taxiwalla : Main har ghante wait karne ke 40 Rs charge karta hoon!

Laxman : Abbe teri....dhakkan! Kameene! Ullu ke paththe! Dimaag ghaas charne gaya hai? Baaki Taxi waale 50 Rs maangte hain....tu sirf 40 maang raha hai?

Rama : Arre....40 se khush hai to 40 lene do....tumhara kya jaata hai?

Laxmana : Magar Rama bhaiyya....

Getting down from taxi...

Garuda : Tum Rama ho? Kya tum apni biwi ko dhoondh rahe ho?

Rama : Haan magar aap....

Garuda : Main us plane ka pilot hoon! Ab kambakht kalyug mein pet bharne ke liye mujhe ye bhi karna pada...
Magar main to boodha garuda hoon saab! Kambakht Auto Pilot ka zamaana hai...Ravana ne mujhe dhakel kar plane ko le gaya!

Rama : Magar woh le kahaan gaya hai?

Garuda : Sri Lanka....waheen par Ravana ka rajya hai.
Aapki biwi ne aapke liye ye goggles bhi chhoda hai...

Rama sees it 'fastrack...haan ye bhi Seeta ke special goggles hain.

Wears it.

Goggle plays "This message is self destructory in 30 seconds"
Message : Hello Rama! This bloke is taking me to Sri Lanka without even a VISA! Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllpppppppppppppppp!!"

Rama takes off the goggles and throws it....it explodes.

Rama : To phir dadaji...

Garuda : Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

Rama : I mean...bhaiyya....

Garuda : Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

Rama : I mean...beta.....ye Ravana rehte kahaan hain?

Garuda : Don't worry, uska visiting card mere paas hai....

gives visiting card...

Laxmana : Bhaiyya, humein jald se jald nikalna chahiye....

Rama : Magar inka kya karein?

Garuda : Meri chinta mat karo...main apni girfriend ko phone kar doonga.

Rama : Beta, tumhari girlfriend kahaan rehti hai?

Garuda : Woh Lake Pulicat mein chutti mana rahi hai

Laxmana : Oh...phir to bahut der ho jayegi....hum Menaka Gandhi ko phone kar dete hain! Zyada jaldi aa jayengi

Rama : Laxmana....tum woh sab intezam karo...main Taxi Driver se wahaan tak jaane ka kiraya baat kar leta hoon.

(After everything is settled, they board the taxi, leaving garuda in Menaka Gandhi's care)

Laxmana : Baap re....itni jaldi to bijli bhi naheen aati!!!

(They are driving in full speed...)

Rama : Arre....ye kya.....bandar jaisa ek aadmi chala aa raha hai!

Laxmana : Gaur se dekho bhaiya, woh Andrew Symonds hai. Taxi wale bhiayya! RUKO!

They get down.

Rama : Hi! Tumhara naam kya hai?

Hanuman : Mera naam...And...And And.....dhat. Maine bahut paap kiya hain...Indian Cricket Team ke khilaaf. God ne mujhe punish kiya ke jab tak main aapki seva naa karoon.....tab tak main century nahin bana paaoonga.

Rama, main aapki madad karoonga.

Laxmana : Good....ab Lanka tak udo aur vaapas aao.

Hanuman : Sorry....depression mein mujhe bulimia ho gaya....aur....main bahut khana kha kar mota ho gaya. Doctor ne mujh udne se mana kiya hai.

Laxmana : Tumhari sehat ke liye?

Hanuman : Naheen, mere co-passengers ki sehat ke liye.

Main aapke saath Taxi mein chaloonga. Taxi ka bhaada main doonga.

Rama and Laxmana shrug. They all get in the taxi and move on!
The reach the port of Kanyakumari.

Rama : Laxmana.....ab hum paar kaise karen?

Laxman : Thoda intezaar karo bhaiya

Rama : Arre....woh kya? Ek Ship aa raha hai?

Laxmana : Woh hamare liye hi aa rahen hain bhaiya. Hum usi mein Sri Lanka tak jaayenge

Rama : Par ticket?

Laxmana : Chinta mat karo bhaiya, maine aate hue, makemytrip.com mein saara intezaam kar diya.

Rama : Wah mere bhai Laxman! Main tujhe aashirvaad deta hoon, is baar tera US ka Visa zaroor pass ho jayega!

Laxmana : Thank you bhaiya.

Ship nears.

Rama : Ye kya!! Ship mein to saare bandar bhare hain!

Laxman : Arre, phir gaur se dekho bhaiya....Indian team Sri Lanka ke daure ke liye nikal rahi hai. Usne bhi aapse kripa paane ke liye aapki seva mein utar aaye.

Hanuman : Cricket....(sniff)

They board the ship.
Travel to Lanka.
Confront Ravana.

Fight breaks out.

Rama heads for the kill...Ravana. Ravana rushes towards Rama. They both point their AK - 47s.

Suddenly....

Ravana : RAM01010101????

Rama : Raven 007??

Ravana : Well how are you buddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???

The war comes to a stanstill.

Rama : You kidnapped my wife!

Ravana : Sorry Rama! The idiot scriptwriter asked me to. But see the positive....we are finally meeting in person....and not in Orkut!

Rama : I hope she is ok....

Ravana : Absolutely!

Orders servant to get Sita.

Rama : Tum ho kaise??

Ravana : Sorry....Hinti nahi.

Rama : I said how are you?

Ravana : Great...but feeling bad.....to atone my sins....I offer a free holiday for everyone, sponsored by the Lanka tourism board.

Crowd : For everyone!?

Ravana : Yes! Let's go!

Desktop of a sincere worker

2008-03-01T03:01:00.001-08:00

And no, that is not mine.

When life is against you

2007-12-18T04:09:00.001-08:00

You know when life against you, when -

You mail for a new job and accidentally send it to your Boss.
You press the accelerator of your car, mistaking it to be breaks.
You slam the door of your car to realise that you forgot the keys inside. You heave a sigh of relief that there are duplicate in your home....and then you realise, that you forgot your house keys inside too.
You bake a delicious cake, distribute to everyone and realise that you forgot to add the sugar.
All the above things happens on the same day :D

Got nething to share?

Greeting Card for your Boss

2007-12-16T00:39:00.001-08:00

Overtime. Overwork. Underpaid. Insults.

Sounds familiar? Send this Greeting Card to your Boss!!

A typical "get together"

2007-10-12T03:47:00.000-07:00

Gowri Shankar suggested that I write a post on what goes inside the mind of people in a meeting. So here's my analysis (atleast what I felt what others were feeling in a recent meeting ) -

Scene - A team celebrating their good performance over cake, coke and snacks.

Team -

The ultimate Boss - overpaid, underworked, but modest enough not to show it in his voice.

The 2nd level Boss - an idiot who is lucky to be in this position, but smart enough to behave smart.

Team leader - the person with brains and the ultimate leader. His mind is DEVIL IN DISGUISE. He is the Ultimate Boss's right hand man.

Client Servicing Sr - Another idiot who is lucky to be in this position. Can do ANYTHING to get to the top level.

Client Servicing Jr - Neophyte, so kinda naive.

Designer 1 - Believes that circumstances are against this genius. Complainer.

Designer 2 - Modest and firmly believes that he is very lucky and doesn't mind admitting it.

Copywriter Sr - Doesn't understand a schmuck about advertising, but knows that he doesn't know.

Copywriter Jr - Isn't being appreciated for his hard work. New in the job, he is desperate to prove himself.

HTML Sr - The socially unsmart dude, who is damn good at his job.

HTML Jr - The smart dudette, who doesn't care about job, but is here coz she has nothing better to do and that's what she did for Graduation. Doesn't care about money either.

Team Leader : Hey team! Great Job! WE HAVE DONE IT AGAIN!!
Look at them Cheering! It is my hard work that is sustaining this company.

Copywriter Sr. - Yay! Three Cheerss! Great teamwork!!
Now let me not say anything else and look stupid.

The 2nd level Boss: Great job. We know YY Bank is a tough client, but we have managed to do great job for them for 2 years now! It is your zeal which is making the company successful. We have been setting up new pinnacles of outstanding creatives. Keep up the good work!
I hope that sounded intelligent. I should get that promotion this year!

Client Servicing Sr. - But ofcourse, it could not have been successful without your invaluable guidance (the ultimate Boss). Wherever we are, it is due to your hard work!
Did that sound desperate? Shucks! it was desperate.

Team Leader - Oh boy! Looks like they both are trying for promotion! Man I would LOVE to see their asses whipped! Let me invite Boss to say a few word.

Sir, would you like to say a few words, on where we stand, where we need to go?

The ultimate Boss : Yes, we have been doing a great job. But a great man is not the one who gets satisfied by what they have achieved, but by achieving what they want to achieve and set new goal....
We have a lousy team! God! Why do we have such a pathetic staff! We were just lucky to have YY Bank as our client.

Designer 1 - Yap. Yap Yap!! That is all he does. Apart from playing Solitaire. Look at the conditions we work in. The AC is soo cold. And the machines! God! Dinosaurs would have used better versions!

The ultimate Boss : ...I don't want this Company to be the city's best or country's best, but the world's BEST.
Oh with my great team, I know I'd get there in the next century! Man! I am paying them too much!

The ultimate Boss : So cheers!!

"Yay!"

HTML 1 - Enough! Can we eat? Can we eat?

Team Leader - I don't think we'd get another time to discuss this. But....what do you think we need to actually make the place more productive? Any suggestions??
If they had their way, they'd say Vodka, Playboy, Computer games....

HTML 1 - Shucks!

Copywriter 1 - No....I don't think we need anything!
If I had my way, I'd say Vodka, Playboy, Computer games...let me not look stupid by suggesting anything.

Client Servicing 1 - No this place is so perfect! You take such good care of us Sir!
Shucks! That was so pathetically desperate! I'm gonna shoot myself!

The 2nd level Boss - You know I have worked for innumerable esteemed organisations. But only here we have the freedom to bring in flexibilty to enhance our skill, which ultimately goes towards bridging our gaps and contribute 100% to our commitments towards work.
Did that make any sense or not?

HTML 1- Thanks God! Can we eat? Can we eat?

Designer 1 - This is my last chance
Actually maybe we can get new computers. Our computers are so slow and gets stuck often, when we use both Adobe Photoshop and Corel Draw.
Please ask me what are those.

HTML Sr - Shucks again!!

The ultimate Boss - We are trying. I assure you will soon have new machines in place.
By next decade.

Client Servicing Jr - Maybe we can have a little Library, so that you know we can just browse through the books whenever we need.
Why isn't anyone excited by this brilliant suggestion?

The 2nd level Boss - Yes! I agree with that. You see knowledge is something we continue to acquire our whole lives. It is a deep ocean that we should immerse our minds in.
We can have the room near store room. Do I need to add anything here?

Client Servicing Sr. - Maybe we can even add a few magazines as well, to get a complete 360 degree views about the happenings in the world and be successful in walking in your footsteps!
Cosmopolitan would be nice. Shucks! Why do I sound so desperate.

Copywriter 1 - Actually we can have an internal magazine, where everyone can contribute and show their creative skills.
That would prove I'm better than him.

The ultimate Boss : Yes, yes. Very good suggestions. Why don't you (team leader) initiate the project?
More like ignore it till they forget!

Team Leader : We sure will see some changes happening around here. Why don't you (HTML Jr) make a list of things to do?

HTML Jr - Yeah sure! But I think we need to meet for it once again?
By the time they decide the date, I'll get married and run out of here.

Designer 2 - Lets begin the celebration. It is not often that we celebrate!!
I was so lucky that I got to do this project, hence the appreciation!!

Team Leader - Yes. Three cheers to our team. Thank you one and all for your contribution.
Thank you for not sucking in your job.
This celebration is special due to appreciation from the client. The idea was given by our brilliant Copywriter! (Copywriter Sr.)
Brilliant? Poof!!

Copywriter 1 - It was team work!

Copywriter 2 - Half the idea came from my side, until he came in and ruined it. That's it! I'm quitting!

Team Leader - And the designer, who did the designs.
He is an idiot who got this project.

Designer 2 - What exactly did the client say?
He is an idiot. He was just lucky to get this project. If only I wasn't stuck with the Offshore project, I'd have done a better job

Team Leader - Oh the client seemed pretty excited!
Just as a baby gets excited on seeing a candy...and we all know how stupid babies are.

The ultimate Boss - I think you all are doing a tremendous job. I will leave now! All the best Keep up the good work!
I can't see you all hogging on my hard earned money.

HTML Sr - Cake, cake!! Let me make the most of it while it lasts!

Team Leader - I'm the only one in this room who deserves to have it. Oh...what the heck. It doesn't kill to celebrate with people you work with.

ALL - Yaayyyyyyyyy!

Welcome to Fucking

2007-10-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

Heyy, Don't look at me like that. I am telling you DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

This is what a signboard says. No, not in a motel, but in a village in Austria!!

Apparently, there is a sleepy town in the country, called Fucking & is pronounced as Fooking.
And the residents proudly say - "We love Fucking!"

Curious and naive tourists, are seen and heard asking the natives - "Can you guide me to Fucking?"

Read the article below -

And some more -

Satan Awards Politicians

2007-09-08T10:54:00.000-07:00

Oh come on people! Politicians have worked "so hard" to make this country what it is today.

Admit it. We gotta cheer them. That's why I take the initiative to award them - it is a d**** job, but someone has to do it.

And we begin the Award ceremony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Swadesi Movement Award
Goes to Sonia Gandhi for not allowing any Italian to come to India

Pepsi "Ye Dil Maange More" Award
Goes to all politicians faking heart attacks, and evading arrests.

Fevicol "mazboot jod" Award
Goes to all the CPI(M) Part members for sticking with the government inspite of all the differences.

Idea "Ideator of the year" Award
Goes to Maharashtra CM - Vilasrao Deshmukh, for his new-fangled idea or introducing 'Art of Living' classes for Vidarbha farmers.

Ambuja Cement Award
Goes to the United Progressive Alliance, for being an unbreakable alliance, no matter what

Friskars Award
Goes to Congress, for cutting the country in caste lines.

'Meri Billi mujhi ko meow' Award
Goes to CIA, for raising the Al Qaeda, which is now its biggest headache.

Jandu Kesari Jeevan Award
Jointly shared by Karunanidhi and Jyoti Basu for being active in politics for such a long time.

Maggi Tomato Ketchup Hot and sweet Award
Goes to Mayawati, for yelling at Congress and then praising it.

Thomas Cook Holidays Award
Goes to all Chief Ministers who cook up 'Investment for the state' stories and take a free holiday with taxpayers money.

Kohinoor Award
Goes to Laloo Prasad Yadav for screwing Bihar for so long.

Random Thoughts...

2007-08-26T08:28:00.000-07:00

1. I HATE latecomers, that's why I reach office after them.

2. Ise padhne wale tera mooh kala

3. How cold do I have to be to become cool?

4. 99% of all inventions are accidents. The rest 1% is called 'discovery'.

5. If you want someone to hate you, simply tell them "You are wrong."

6. Reading this blog may cause serious mental paralysis.

7. Wasn't it God who created sin?

8. A hacker is always more intelligent than the programmer.

9. Being early never helps the worm.

10. Necessity is the mother of everything.

11. Living is injurious to health.

12. When we test we become Testers, when we post...do we become posters?

13. If quiz is quizzical....test is...

14. How come stupidity embarrasses you brilliantly?

15. How did life happen with just few bunch of chemicals?

16. What if a meteor is coming towards the earth right now??

NEWS Deewar remix

2007-08-17T07:17:00.000-07:00

A husband and wife are having a tussle over remote control. Husband wants to watch NEWS, wife wants to watch the film Deewar.

This is what the neighbour, ignorant about the fight, heard from the T.V....

Poorva Rashtapati Abdul Kalam ji ne is baat ka khulasa kiya ki unhone Office of Profit Bill isliye sign kiya tha, kyonki Manmohan Singh ne poocha ki - Bhai tum sign karte ho ki nahin

Mananeeya mantri Shree Arjun Singh ne kaha ki - mera baap chor hai.

Mayawati ne Mulayam se kaha ki - Aaj mere paas gaadi hai bangla hai, dulat hai....tumhare paas kya hai?

Atal Behari Vajpayee ji ne kaha ki Rahul Gandhi ke paas rajneeti mein safal hone ke liye kuch nahin hai, jiske uttar mein unhonen kaha ki - Mere paas Ma hai!

What goes inside the mind of people in an interview

2007-07-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

HRs hate the interview...as much as the applicant. So here's what goes inside people's mind...

If only Interviewers could read our minds......................

INTERVIEWER: Good morning Ravi. I'm so pleased that we've finally had a chance to meet. (This loser's been flooding my Inbox with desperate messages.)

APPLICANT: It's a pleasure to speak with you. (She's been ignoring my messages for weeks. I'll never get this job.)

INTERVIEWER: Arvind Shankar recommended you highly. So naturally I reviewed your resume and gave you a call. (Arvind is an idiot. Why is he wasting my time with this jerk?)

APPLICANT: I've known Arvind for years, and he's very familiar with my work. (Arvind is an idiot -- a well-connected idiot. And if he weren't my wife's brother, he wouldn't give me the time of day.)

INTERVIEWER: So tell me something about yourself. (He must be a relative. God I hate this job.)

APPLICANT: Well, ---- I have a highly diversified background -- everything from computer programming, to teaching, to sales. (One day I'll find something I'm actually good at.)

INTERVIEWER: Which of those fields best reflects your skills? (Just what we need around here -- another jack-of-all-trades.)

APPLICANT: Well, ---- I'd say I'm equally strong at all of them. (I hate them all. Why do I keep saying "well"?)

INTERVIEWER: Our Company takes pride in having well-rounded employees. (The only thing well-rounded about our employees is their a$$.)

APPLICANT: I do feel that my broad range of experience allows me to see the big picture and enhances my ability to function pro-actively. (She'll never buy this. Even I won't even buy this.)

INTERVIEWER: That sounds very interesting. Why don't you tell me about your last job? (What crap. He's too sleazy even for sales.)

APPLICANT: I was the Northeast Sales Manager, responsible for directing a sales force of seventeen. Unfortunately, my position was eliminated as a result of our acquiring a large competitor. (One with a sales force that actually sold.)

INTERVIEWER: What do you feel you took from that experience? (I'll bet the only thing he took was their customer list.)

APPLICANT: I developed managerial skills including how to evaluate manpower, delegate tasks, and allocate responsibility. (Three martini lunches and their customer list.)

INTERVIEWER: If you had to name your greatest strength, what would that be? (They all claim strong interpersonal skills.)

APPLICANT: Well, ---- that's a tough one. If I had to name just one, I suppose it would be strong interpersonal skills. (There I go with that "well" business again.)

INTERVIEWER: And your greatest weakness? (I wonder if he'll pick "perfectionist" or "workaholic.")

APPLICANT: My perfectionism does get me into trouble sometimes. And I have to fight my workaholic tendencies. (More like alcoholic tendencies.)

INTERVIEWER: That's very interesting. (Bingo!)

INTERVIEWER: I see you've worked for four companies in the last 18 months. Were all your terminations the result of downsizing? (I can't remember the last applicant who was terminated "for cause.")

APPLICANT: Yes, I'm afraid this economic downturn has been tough on white collar workers like me. But a growing company such as yours is perfectly positioned to benefit from my skills and maturity. (I sure hope Arvind has as much influence as he claims. Otherwise I'll never be able to afford the divorce.)

INTERVIEWER: What kind of position are you looking for? (If Arvind makes me hire him, I'll quit.)

APPLICANT: Well, ---- I'm flexible, of course. But the ideal position would both use my talents and skills and provide the kind of challenge that would grow me as an employee. (Something that pays well, isn't demanding, and has a fancy title. I sure wish I knew how much clout Arvind has.)

INTERVIEWER: That's good to hear. (If he says "well" once more, I'll shoot him.)

INTERVIEWER: Are you presently considering any offers? (Fat chance!)

APPLICANT: Frankly, I've been targeting my job search to a few select firms such as yours. (Fat chance! I've been rejected or ignored by everyone in my neighbourhood, city , and the state!)

INTERVIEWER: I see. Is there anything else you'd like to tell me about yourself? (I just love being lied to.)

APPLICANT: Only that I'm hard-working, a team player, and that I'm eager to make whatever contribution I can to your firm. (Will this interview never end?)

INTERVIEWER: Is there anything you'd like to ask about our Company? (Please don't!)

APPLICANT: I think Arvind has me pretty told me everything. (What's the point of asking? Boring boo!)

INTERVIEWER: Good. But you may not be aware that many of our sales employees do their paperwork at home via computer hook-up with headquarters. How would you feel about that kind of set up? (It's either work at home or be stuffed into a two-by-four box like me.)

APPLICANT: Whatever's best for the company is fine by me. (Now we're talking four martini lunches.)

INTERVIEWER: We don't have many jobs available right now. Would you consider a trainee position on our software sales force? Not that I'm in a position to make you an offer, just yet. (Please say no, so I can tell Arvind you turned me down.)

APPLICANT: I'm ready and willing to consider any and all offers from a company as respected as yours. (Damn that Arvind. Next they'll ask me to sweep the floors. I must have sounded too desperate.)

INTERVIEWER: I'll be glad check our job slots against your credentials and see if we find a match. (I'd rather set fire to his pathetic resume.)

APPLICANT: Thank you so much for your time. I've enjoyed exchanging ideas with you. And I'm certain my references will confirm everything I've told you. (I hope they're better liars than I am.)

INTERVIEWER: It's certainly been a pleasure speaking with you. I'll be in contact as soon as I have an opportunity to touch base with your references. (They'll think I'm a lawyer when I get through cross-examining them.)

APPLICANT: Thanks. I really appreciate your time. (I'll never hear from her again.)

INTERVIEWER: You're very welcome. And lots of luck to you. (Boy, will he need it.)

APPLICANT: One last thing. When may I expect to hear from you? (I won't hold my breath.)

INTERVIEWER: Give it a week or two. (Don't hold your breath.)

I Ctrl C'd it from here...

Donkey with horns

2007-07-27T04:11:00.000-07:00

Click here : D

Drive away those potential suitors

2007-07-18T08:08:00.000-07:00

Neighbourhood auntyji's have a fixation...to get the girl next door married. So when you are left alone with the 'potential suitor'....try saying the below stuff!

1. The only reason I am marrying you is because I broke my Dad's laptop and as a punishment he said he'll get me married to the first Idiot he sees in the telephone directory.
2. It's my eternal dream to get married to a joker.
3. My ex was sentenced to life imprisonment.
4. I go blind after darkness, so it doesn't matter whom I marry.
5. I actually want to prove to my parents that I'm not cursed, just because two of my earlier husbands died in the first month of my marriage.
6. I lost a bet.
7. Frogs are scarce these days, so thought I'll marry it's closest species.
8. My servants asked for a raise which I couldn't afford.
9. I'd be your loving and caring wife. So, what's your favouraite Pedigree flavour?
10. [whistle] [whistle]....hello! I'm calling you!...Didn't you hear it?
11. Why have you come with your twin brother?
12. Sometimes, when I cut vegetables, I get a strong desire to commit a murder.

What ADS say, What they mean

2007-07-18T07:59:00.000-07:00

Call it the blogging pressure! For the FIRST TIME in my life, I am not posting something created by me or something 'inspired' ...but a Copy Paste job. SHUCKS...and the reason would be that my agency has murdered my sense of humor...till i get it back...enjoy chipkaod maal.

NEW - Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.

Bitching lessons I learnt from my bitchy blog

2007-06-21T04:30:00.000-07:00

Why am I starting a new blog? For undisclosed reasons.
Here are the lessons learnt.

#1. Never bitch around in someone's blog - I bitched around in several people's blog. Left comments which I shouldn't have. So I thought of having a Renaissance's.

#2. Never bitch about someone in your blog - Remember all the posts about 'Boss'. Well, guess what? My Boss read it. I presume he wasn't amused.

# 3. Never let bitching people into your blog - Just because you want people to read your blog doesn't mean you tell it to every Talvin, Dinesh and Harisha. There are people who told me "You are a perv" (Yes! I have been accused of it!!)

New HR Policies....to what extent can companies go?

2007-06-21T03:19:00.000-07:00

Infy recently brought a rule that their employees cannot join competitors for a period of 6 months after quitting. So I was just wondering to what extent can company's HR can go to ensure the 'safety of information' or attrition rate.
Take a look at the new HR Policy* -

1. In the process of courtship, your girlfriend / boyfriend must be approved by the HR department. Your girlfriend / boyfriend will be interviewed by the HR on a suitable date.
2. If your parents join rival companies, you must take necessary action to disown your parent
3. You will not be allowed to marry the person working for the rival companies. Please inform 1 year prior to your marraige date, so that a background check on your spouse is conducted.
4. According to the latest MoU signed between the IT companies, different recreation centres have been allocated to companies. As an employee of this Company, you are allowed to hang out only in INOX.
If a film is being run in rival companies that INOX doesn't, you can watch it, after giving a precautionary notice. 2 Senior members will accompany you to the movie theatre. To keep the theatre empty, you have to buy all the tickets. The cost of food and drinks for the Senior members will be borne by the employee.
5. You will be given handycam by the company when you go for a vacation. You have to film each and every moment of your holiday. The same will be reviewed by our HR Department
6. You are not allowed to travel in roads where the offices of rival companies are located. You are not allowed to visit zonal radius of 1 km of rival companies.

Any person violating this code of conduct, employment will be terminated and the person in question can leave after serving a notice period of 10 years.

The person will have to remain unemployed for a period of 5 years after quitting the company.

People violating the above Code of conduct, will be absorbed back into the company with immediate effect.

*Code of conduct subject to change

Politics Employment ads

2007-06-21T02:59:00.000-07:00

No one wants to join politics. This has left political parties worried, as they won't have a future if no one joins.
So all political parties started giving Employment Ads to get a few young people on board.

Here are a few ads of a few political parties-

Communist Party of India -
"Strike a career with us."

Job Requirements- Must have a loud voice to make the left noise.

Job Qualifications- Striking performance in previous jobs.

How to apply- Walk-in to the nearest dharna point.

RJD-
"We phully beleeve in apnapan. Public money is our money."

Job Requirements- Follow the leader.

Job Qualifications- Sud not have more than 50 cirimnal cases against you. Condisuns relaxed for surname 'Yadav'

How to apply- If not know to reed and rite, caal us. If know to reed and rite caal us. Please kidnap a few phriends(dost) for this job too.

Congress I-

"Brought the country where it is today. Its your turn to take this further"

Job Requirements- Speaking about Secularism, Sacrifice, minorities, caste and reservations.

Job Qualification- A graduate (not compulsary). Must have sound knowledge about "Occult
business dealings". Proficiency in Italian added advantage. Should not know the meaning of
sacrifice. Will recieve 1 month's training for it.

How to apply- Walk-in 10 Janpath for an interview. Walk-in for Appointment letter if name
includes 'Gandhi' or willing to change.

BJP-
"Took 5 years to do, what Congress did in 50 years. Join the rage."

Job Requirements- Hindutva, Hindutva, Hindutva, laying (roads, telephone lines and foundation for temples, if you thought otherwise...DON'T APPLY, you would be a disaster to our cause)

Job Qualification- Expertise in Hindutva. Prodigy in geography concerning 'janmabhoomis'. Basic knowledge of temples of India handy. Demolition experts welcome.

How to apply- Walk-in to any shakha with this ad.

DMK-
"We'll bring sunset to yevery non-Tamizhian with ower rysing sun. If you haave the fire yinside you, jaain us."

Job Requirements- Should haave the fanaatism to go to the Sun and sue yit for naat rising from
Tamizh Nadu.

Job Qualifications- Yeverything concerning Tamizh...wonly

How to apply- Send a Tamil poem to the Sun.

AIAMDK-
"Been an Amma to Tamil Nadu, more like a step, for success"

Job Requirements- Do whatever Amma asks you to do.

Job Qualifications- Missing spine, with a dormant brain, Must be Amma's pet.

How to apply- Crawl into Amma's residence.

....will post more as I find it. If you have seen a few, please do share.

What I thought adult life would be like, what's the reality

2007-06-21T02:58:00.001-07:00

When we were kids, we often dream of job. We think, once when I reach the job,I'll be my own BOSS, I don't have to obey anyone(we think this often when we do our Home work). I can do whatever I like.

It seems funny to think that how we think we'd lead our lives and how it has become. A comparison

1. Lots and lots of time for myself - Hardly! The only moments you can call your own is perhaps in the bathroom. It's almost 9 hrs of job. By the time you come back, all you want to do is sit and sleep. Sometimes you are stuck in thoughts with some problems of the office.

2. Living on chocolates, coke, pepsi, ice cream - when you reach this age you no longer want it coz either you start hating them or you say to yourself "not necessary", coz spending parents money is easy, spending your money(especially when your salary isn't anything to cheer about) is so tough.
...or you think it's not healthy ....you become so worried that a chest pain due to gas makes us believe it's the first symptom of a heart problem( and then we avoid fat for a few days)

3. Movies every weekend- you mostly spend Saturday(if we get it off!) shopping for necessary items...and Sunday...mourning the fact that tomorrow's Monday and the grind begins!

4. No one to obey- this is something that we think while doing homework and you don't like obeying teachers. Well in a job there is another devil called BOSS....above me there's a creative head with a killer head, who kills all my good ideas. My job profile isn't about coming with great ideas....it's about coming with ideas that my creative head likes.
And whatever you do........NEVER give a "brilliant idea". Coz initially there's hype and hoopla...everyone says "Thats beauuuudiful!"....and then as it gets delayed and then suddenly everyone feels "its too good to be true....no it won't work" Then your ideas die a tragic death....so much so that even you feel "that was dumb"

5. Leaving job when i like...taking one when i like- No one can afford it. It's easy to think that way.......but when you start looking for a job....these are the stages....

1. You fold your hand and say a cute prayer..."lord Vinayaga...please get me a job!"
2. You feel."how come every idiot that i knew got a job but me!
3. "Lord Vinayaga....please...i need a job...i'm desperate"
4. Lord Vinayaga...i'll break 2 coconuts"
5. Lord Vinayaga ...i'll break 10 coconuts...please get me a job"
6. I'll break 50
7. Get me a job or i'll break 100 skulls and tell police that you asked me to do it
8. Finally i have a job...let me stick to them like leach to blood until they discover me and throw me out.
9. Ok vinayaga....it's not like i got the job due to you...i deserved it.

6. You'd spend money the way you like- If only you had enuff.....and that enuff is never met.

7. Do what I like to do- Your inner wishes go on a hibernation. You feel you'll revive it when all your needs are fulfilled....which means that it's not gonna come out of hibernation.

8. You'd live by your rules- Who cares there are rules are not....when there are rules...you want to break them, when there are none.....doing the 'stuff you wanted' ain't fun enuff.

Bad day?? I'm gonna murder anyone who asks me that Question

2007-06-21T02:51:00.000-07:00

I reached home from my office at 10 PM. By the time I settled and had my din din...it was 11. I was simply browsing 'My Idiot Box' and surprisingly, for a change it decided to show the movie I badly wanted to watch.

Then I remembered that I had an urgent meeting with the client at 10 o clock tomorrow morning. I was in a dilemma...to see or not to see. Then my devilish mind suggested "Hey...what the heck, day after tomorrow is a holiday, you can comfortably sleep on that day. Just watch!"

So I sat and watched the movie. Was entertaining. It was 1:10 am in morning when I went to bed. (I wanted to curse the whole lot advertising agencies for creating ads more than population of Earth, but I was in one, so didn't).

I was very sleepy, so it didn't take me long to go into deep sleep.
Just after a few moments of closing my eyes, in my mind flashed "Keep the alarm! Or you'll wake up late...you have an urgent meeting with the client tomorrow!"

I opened my eyes to keep the alarm...to see bright light outside the window. Fuck! It was morning already...and it was 8:45 am!!

I had just fifteen minutes to get ready. So I rushed towards the bathroom. And as expected, the water ran out. After a delay of another 10 mins, I managed to get out..by 9:05 AM. No time to check anything, no time to make lunch. I made a tea hurriedly...coz I can't start the day without it, only to find the sugar jar empty. I just didn't have the time to go and buy it. So I struggled with the sugarless tea and sped off!

Half way, I saw the worst traffic of my life! "Why today of all days??" I thought. The reason for the jam was a truck wallah, who dropped mangoes on the entire breadth of the road in an attempt to make an impossible U-turn. It seemed like an excellent day to embrace extremism.

Reached office only by 10:30 am. The people I was supposed to leave with, were pretty mad already. But I managed to tone 'em down saying "It happens you know!!"

I parked my vehicle and got inside the car. We left hurriedly, with the driver speeding off like Narayan Karthikeyan. The client was very displeased with the creatives and was already glowing red. We reached there. Few minutes of argument with the client, we managed to tone him down(WHEW!)...then, just when everything seemed like going back to normal...the client made made a discovery and made me conscious of the fact, that I was wearing my T-shirt 'Inside out!!!!"

Embarrassing smiles passed, as I asked for the bathroom. Turned the dress inside out.....only to find, a big, nasty coffee stain the other side! I apparently picked a dress to wear, what I had put for washing! Damn me! Why didn't I put it inside the bucket to wash??

Felt it couldn't get any worse! Then in a moment of brilliance, I remembered my ID card. But would have to go back to the meeting room. I kept my hand on the stain, as if I'm about to propose to the client ( it felt awkward and embarrassing!). Reached there and asked Faisal to pass my bag. Wore my ID card and tucked it in such a way that it lied just above the stain. The client looked at me as if he was looking at a mentally retarded Copywriter. Thankfully, (rather the opposite) my Creative Head came to my rescue saying "The ID Card is very close to his heart" I was the butt of joke for the rest of the meeting.

A few people around me suspected of ridiculousness, when they saw my actions, but if they only knew what I was going through!

Then things seemed to go back to normal, but I wanted to go home so BADLY!

But little did I know that was just the trailer.

Reached office by the lunch break. The orders for lunch had already been made.

So I decided to go to a nearby hotel and at the same time buy a new T-shirt for me. So sped off.
Bought a T-shirt in my card. Changed and felt goood!

Then went for a lunch at a nearby hotel. Had a hearty lunch. Then started the other chain of disasters. I had ran out of cash! I usually do a check, but today had no time to do it.
The hotel won't accept a card and they won't let me leave till I payed, it became an awkward situation (screw all those hotels who don't think customer is God). What made the situation worse was that I HAD TO get back to office ASAP, to rework on all the creatives. All the designers were waiting for my ideas.

In a moment of desperation I picked my house keys and gave it to him saying "Look!, these are my house keys. I'm leaving with you. Just let me get some money from the ATM."
The guy agreed, so I sped off once again...only to drive almost 5 kms (screw all those hi-fi banks, with a dearth of ATM).

Got back to the hotel, paid the dude and sped off to my office....only to reach there by 3:00 pm.

Started my work, didn't even get a moment of breathing time. Due to all the dilly-dallying, I ended up staying late...was almost 11:30 pm, when I left the office. I feared for my life, coz the designers (who had to stay back due to me were seen visiting dangerous websites like 'supari.com', etc etc...)

Started driving towards my 'home sweet home' to fix everything right. Then suddenly I remembered....my 2-wheeler was running on 'reserve'. Nervous sweat broke. Considering all the extra-miles I drove, due to my sheer stupidity, it was likely I would run out of petrol pretty soon. I felt like kicking myself!

I decided to pray. It took me a minute to remember the name of Gods, but managed to say a strong prayer from deep inside my heart..."DEAR GOD! PLEASE LET THE PETROL LAST TILL MY HO...."

My vehicle died.

I got off the vehicle and started dragging. The innumerable petrol pumps in my way, had already shut for the day. Almost after dragging for 3 kilometers, I found a petrol pump. He won't accept a Card. I had exactly 15 Rs left. I guess that would buy me enough petrol to till my home. Filled my tank.

Managed to reach the home, I wanted to kiss the floor, when I was parking my vehicle. It was almost 12 am when I reached home, but I was happy!

I just wanted to have a good sleep......I looked for the keys....only to realise....................................
I had left the keys with the bloody hotel manager."

P.S - This is a fictional story of a GUY and not MY story.

Match the Following...

2007-06-21T02:48:00.000-07:00

Here's a match the following....

But what if you don't match the following.....Read it straight...

Whatever's! Road Show Award

2007-06-21T02:47:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the century's first and last Road Show Award, celebrating everything irritating on the road. Enjoy yourself to the fullest and take the accolades, display it proudly.

And we begin the Award show!

93.5 RED FM Show stopper award- Goes to MTC buses for blocking the way for other vehicle at the traffic signal...they will stand and block the road in a lane, they won't drive in.

Bonkers serial honkers award- Is shared by over 1 million people, who are in the habit of honking their vehicles for others to move out, knowing there is no way out, or at traffic signals.

Stevie Wonder Colour blind award- Is shared by over 3 million people who speed up on seeing red signal...making traffic in the other lane wait for 5-6 seconds. Also goes to a million people who jump the red signal if the traffic in the other end isn't "heavy"

India Post Snail Award- Goes to all the cyclists, for driving in the middle of the road and not giving any 'opportunity' for other vehicles to overtake. The corners of the road is conveniently left for people to loadshed the 'waterfall'

Hutch-Airtel Blah-blah award- Goes to all the people who talk while riding...slowly and crappily. If they stop their vehicke and talk they'll be 'Obeying the Law', which they don't wanna do. Such people are the ultimate nuisance on the road, coz they don't even let you overtake.

Aviva 'Delayed decisions' Award- Goes to all the bikers who don't apply breaks in time due to multiple reasons, such as sight-seeing 'chicks'. On an event, when the front vehicle stops suddenly, they'll go and dash with their number-plate.

Whirlpool Fast Freeze Award- Goes to some walkers. They would choose the most inappropriate time to cross the road, and when see a vehicle speeding towards them...they'll neither move ahead or backward...they'll freeze in their place. Also they never move out of your way when you are honking behind them.

Agarwal Packers and Movers Award- Goes to all the people who carry 5 people in their 2- wheeler. The pillion riders are somehow packed in the two wheeler, kids are just hanged somewhere and they'll move. Such people are a nuisance coz they lose their balance while driving and ofcourse grab a lot of surface area.

91.7 BIG FM Award- Goes to all BIG trucks who 'must' travel only at 9 a.m, making the traffic move so slooooow

Oxford Dictionary Foul mouth Award- These drivers are a walking dictionary of bad words...cursing everyone they lay their eyes on...in loud voice. They irritate everyone on the road.

Pond's Anti Ageing Award- Goes to all drivers who being their grandfathers 4-wheelers on the road. Not only they are noisy, they are slow and often break down during peak hours in the middle of a narrow-junction.

WILLS Smoky Award- Due to popular demand the Award has two categories. The award is shared between people who smoke on the roads, irritating the non-smokers
and people whose vehicle gives away smoke like a chimney, choking the other people on the road.

PETA 'Save the buffalo' Award- Goes to all drivers with a buffalo sized nayi naveli chamchamaati gaadi, but don't have quarter the talent to drive it. The vehicle's so big that there's no space to overtake and their driving talents are so bad, that you're stuck behind them driving at 30 kmph.

And last, but not the least(definitely)

BOSE headphones Award- For everyone who drives a vehicle with a noise which even a deaf can hear. People fitting this category will be given innumerable BOSE headphones, which they can gift to other drivers for tolerating the noise.

The irritating assistant

2007-06-21T02:45:00.000-07:00

Some people are just born to be irritating. Seeing my workload, it was good to get an assistant for my office...but all I got was complete wireframe idiot to assist me.

Irritating, ugly piece of sh*t! He's so pathetic that he doesn't even deserve to live.
He would ask me the most idiotic questions when I'm busy and irritate me with his silly antics. Wish I could change him...but I can't...I got no one else!

So will have to tolerate his utter crappy stupidity. ugly UGLY thing. Here are few pics of him, in his worst antics .........

Predictions for 2007

2007-06-21T02:44:00.000-07:00

1. I would win the 'Most Annoying blogger' Award

2. With justice now being delivered faster, I would finally win the lawsuit against Exnora for mistaking my room as a dumpster.

3. Ash-Abhi would marry and divorce.

4. Manmohan Singh's government will survive one more year. His mental and physical health might be a bother for people in the party who care about him which means no one.

5. Bush will finally beat Homer Simpson in an IQ test.

6. After successfully failing to find one, Rahul Gandhi will register in bharatmatrimony.com

7. 'America will finally find Weapons of Mass destruction' will be the biggest April Fool joke.

8. India's new population mantra will be "Hum do zero, hamare bhi zero". Laloo Prasad Yadav be the official mascot for the campaign.

9. The whole population of the world will increase it's age by one year.

10. Keyboard manufacturing companies will introduce new key- CtAlDel, by popular demand.

11. Being bored with Earth, Bush will rage a war against an unpopulated Mars.

12. Adivasis will sue the Fashion Designers for stealing their designs.

13. 'Microsoft' will launch an error free software....uh oh...my computer's stuck! Guess I should stop typing.

Greeting it Right

2007-06-21T02:43:00.000-07:00

Stuppid britishers! First, they don't know how to greet, they don't use the right words and taught the same wrong things to us as well. I mean in Weddings they taught us to say "Congratulations!"

How can anyone be stupid enough to greet "Congratulations!" on someone's wedding? Here's a list of what you say vs what is appropriate.

1. Wedding-
We say- "Congratulations!"
We should be saying- "All the Best"

2. Exams-
We say- "Best of Luck!"
We should be saying- "Wish you speedy recovery"

3. Childbirth-
We say- "Congratulations"
We should be saying- "Happy Birthday...you're born as a parent"

4. Someone lying in hospital with a fracture-
We say- "Wish you speedy recovery"
We should be saying- "Wish you many more happy returns of the day"
(If you are appalled by my suggestion, then just think about it, the person's gonna have full relaxation and great bed-service and loads of sympathy)

5. Promotion-
We say- "Congratulations!"
We should be saying- "Best of luck"

6. Birthday-
We say- "Happy Birthday!"
We should be saying- "Congratulations" (Completing another year in this hazard filled world successfully)

7. New Year-
We say- "Happy New Year!"
We should be saying- "Wish you many more happy returns of the day" (with all due respect, New Years a Holiday)

The amazing thing called chemistry

2007-06-21T02:42:00.000-07:00

Chemistry intrigues me. It's a different matter that it is the recommended medication for insomniacs
.
But it just intrigues me...that how 103 elements make the universe and all come together to run your body. How the whole universe is run by electrons, protons and neutrons.

How just a chemical called adrenalin can make your vision and hearing better, increase your pulse rate and blood pressure, make you alert, make you take better decision and increase your muscular strength!
How the whole life is nothing but just chemicals interacting with each other. How the chemicals in DNA can carry your face and your attitude to your kids.

Here's some amazing facts/things you can use/non sense-

1. When you're suffering from acidity and nothing else works, just put some Baking soda and few drops of lemon and drink it. (Please don't take this too frequently)
2. Element Carbon forms more compounds than the entire compounds of all the elements in the Periodic Table put together.
3. How much of Hydrogen and Oxygen together would have formed an ocean.
4. What if water would have been sticky in nature?
5. Water would boil faster in mountains.
6. Gold can only react with a combination of Nitric Acid and Sulphuric Acid.
7. Carbon Monoxide relaxes your muscle. So in a closed room if you are being suffocated by it, you will never even know your dying.
8. Uranium, earlier, was used for imparting colour to glass and in pottery. It was also used in dentistry.
9. Pepsi was originally sold as a medicine that aided in digestion (Pepsi owes its name to an enzyme called pepsin)
10. The cells in your body have a property, that while growing, if they touch each other, they stop growing. E.g, when there's a cut in your body, the skin cells multiply and when they touch each other, they stop multiplying.
This property is lost in cancer, the cells keep on multiplying.
11. Hydrogen doesn't have a single neutron.
12. If an atom is blown to the size of a Football field, the nucleas would be of the size of a pea.
13. Sodium burns in water.
14. Bacteria and germs are known to decrease, when kept inside a Brass vessel.
15. You shouldn't use a mobile near an Oxygen tank. Oxygen is attracted to the radio waves.
16. Water should have been a gas, by property. Weak bonds called Hydrogen bonds make it a liquid.
17. Brain is 60% fat. Infact brain becomes a liquid and during autopsy and is collected, tested and thrown away.
18. Estrogen and Androgens are made from Cholesterol in the body.
19. It would take us 50 years to digest a single meal, if it weren't for enzymes.
20. Japanese consider water containing V2O5 as a good substitute for mineral water.

What resume's say, what they mean

2007-06-21T02:40:00.000-07:00

Enough of 'What employment ads say and what they mean". Resume's are the biggest pieces of bluffs. So here's a list of decoded resume' entries.

1. Keen to learn- When you talk I'll pretend that I'm listening.

2. Good communication skills- Have the habit of gossiping on the phone.

3. Wide experience- Have worked as a Delivery Boy, cook, driver, barber and telephone operator unsuccessfully before.

4. Friendly- When you ask me anything I'll answer.

5. Good in sports- I have the highest scores in Nintendo, Roadrash, Diablo, Motorcross madness...

6. Outgoing personality- I'm always going out of the office.

7. Complete teamplayer- When I do something wrong, I blame my team.

8. Very good at Office organization- I can type in Microsoft Word.

9. Keen to take new roles- Will quit soon for a new job.

10. Career-oriented- Will kiss your ass or stab your back, as the requirement may be.

11. Fast learner- I already know how your coffee-machine works.

12. Want to go to places- Mainly the lunch room. Otherwise Goa and Bahama.

13. Deadline oriented- I'll get to office on time.

14. Have done a few special courses- I read the Instruction manual of your coffee machine.

15. Good Hardware skill- Any problem in the computer will be dealt using a hammer.

16. Good Software skill- Am very good at using the internet and Yahoo Messenger.

17. Clean History- I clear history completely after visiting a porn site.

18. Outstanding Academic performance- Most of the time during the college I was standing out.

19. Hard-working- I work very hard to avoid work.

All my lies...

2007-06-21T02:37:00.000-07:00

I know I'm posting after a week. I've been very busy. Ok I'm lying....I felt bit lazy.

Thought I would confess all my lies I've said till date...is gonna be a long list. Am not inspired by Gandhiji in any way anyways.

So here it goes........

9th Standard- I wanted a holiday badly...so badly that I was willing to do anything for it! So while I manged to convince my parents, to my teacher I told..."Ma'am, this Sunday I will be operated upon for my tonsils". While the Doctor HAD asked me to get it removed, the operation never really happened.

12th Standard- My Chemistry ma'am was killing the holiday mood by the word 'Extra Class'. Later she said "If you want to come, you come. I'm happy even if one student is attending it"
I thought she meant it literally. So I took off during the holidays. Almost during the end of holidays I realised, she suffered from bad English and I was in big trouble. So the way out?
I told I had gone to Baroda for my holidays. She didn't believe me....but there was nothing I could do about it.

It's an entirely different matter that I went point blank when the teacher's pet asked me "by which train?"

12th Standard- My whole class was running behind the schedule in finishing the Practical Records. While others chose to ignore 'Physics record', I chose to ignore 'Computer Science'.
So when my Comp ma'am asked me why I didn't finish the records, I told that it fell from my bag, so I was writing the whole thing again. Few more arguments...either ways I lost 5 marks in Record.
Last heard the ma'am told about me "She has done what even boys don't dare to do."

College finishing- I didn't attend my college's convocation. So almost 6 months later I went to collect the Certificates. My teachers asked me..."Why didn't you come?"
I said, "Ma'am I'm working in an agency in Bangalore"
Few details about the job...and "Why didn't you join M.Sc?" and me saying "Ma'am I'm taking a break from Chemistry...will join next yr."
Little did I knew that 'honourable' Arjun Singh will kill my ambition without any reservations with reservation, but the funniest moment was when at one end of the Staff Room I said "Yes ma'am, I moved with my family"
And at the other end to other teachers I said "Ma'am I'm staying with my friends."

A lie can ruin your memory......

To my friends- "Hey I'm in Pune right now!"

My Job- Well I did freelancing after my college. I said the same in my interview. But in my college I said I worked for an agency in Banaglore called 'Black Coffee'. Well little did I knew that one of my Bosses was my College Professor's husband!
Well I couldn't retract on anything, so had to say "My stint with Black Coffee was so embarrassing that I don't like mentioning it!"

Late coming excuses I've used-
"Uff Traffic Jam!"
"I lost my keys"
"The bus came late. I came by bus because my vehicle is out of order"
"Uff Traffic Jam"
"Sniff! My grandmother died yesterday. No, no...I've three grandmothers, only two have died before."
"My mom was unwell"
"I had to go to the doctor"
"My watch died. So when I saw it's 6 in the morning...it was actually 8:30!"
"They were laying the road near my house...no way out"
"They are digging the road near my house to lay telephone wires. No way out. Don't believe me? Come and take a look....of course they'd have filled it by now...afterall I asked them to."
"No petrol. Didn't even have the money for it."
"Some Communist rally near my house." (Trust me, this works very well....EVERYONE believes it)

Think I'll stop for now...my memory is too short and tired to list everything.

And Point no. 6 is a lie. I just put it there..."Just for laughs"...not for anything else...

Questions for which you have to lie

2007-06-21T02:36:00.000-07:00

1. Interviewer:
Can you mention some of your negative qualities?

2. Teacher:
Did you study for this exam?

3. Teacher:
Did you understand what I taught you?

4. Interviewer:
Can you mention some of your positive qualities?

5. Hosts:
Are you feeling comfortable?

6. Hosts:
Does the food taste good?

7. Boss:
Can you finish this work?

8. Boss:
Who the hell sent me a hate-mail yesterday? Was it you?

9. Kid:
Dad! What were you and mommy doing yesterday night, locking your door?

10. Kid:
Dad! From where do babies come?

11. Co-worker:
Are you good at typing? I need to key in 150 pages tonight.

12. Wife:
Honey, how do I look?

13. Husband:
How much did you say was the cost of your new shoes?

14. Cousin/classmate:
What's your salary? Mine is 15K+incentives.

From a guy's heart...

2007-06-21T02:34:00.000-07:00

Duniya mein...

Mohabbat badhe ya na badhe,
Meri height badhe ya na badhe,
Kharcha badhe ya na badhe,
Aurat ke baal badhe ya na badhe,
Salary badhe ya na badhe,
Tension badhe ya na badhe,
Samajhdari badhe ya na badhe,
Cholestrol badhe ya na badhe,
Population badhe ya na badhe,
Masti badhe ya na badhe,
Petrol ka daam badhe ya na badhe,
Gaadi ka mileage badhe ya na badhe,
Corruption badhe ya na badhe,
Politicians ka kameenapan badhe ya na badhe,
Traffic badhe ya na badhe,
Kaam ka bojh badhe ya na badhe,
Bhagwan ke bhakt badhe ya na badhe,
Life ke demands badhe ya na badhe...

...Saala Kambakht Daadi zaroor badh jayega!

(I heard a guy say this...just developed it a lil')

Cliche dialogues mein twist!

2007-06-21T02:33:00.000-07:00

Well, most of the dialogues seems so cliche. Like the famous one..."I'm not fired, I quit." Well I'm giving you some alternatives...it also includes dialogues that can make you lose your job.

Read on...

>> "You are fired as my Boss."
>> "I don't think your company has enough caliber to employ me"
>> As your Boss goes ahead, take a nut bolt from your pocket, drop it, pick it up and say "Boss, this just fell from your head"
>> "Boss, I bought you this knee cap to protect your brain"
>> "Everytime I see you, my middle finger becomes erect."
>> "I don't want to get infected by your stupidity any more"
>> "You're family is lucky indeed...you don't live there."
>> "I can't work for pre-historic people anymore. I've woken up from my hibernation."
>> "I've found a new job...cleaning the swimming pool.........of India's first All Women Swimming"
>> "Boss...get me some Coffee. Quick! Don't just stand there....move you big ass. Go!"

Analysing job, the mastercard way

2007-06-21T02:29:00.000-07:00

1. President of India

Living in a palatial house all alone: Loneliness.
People calling the post that of a Rubber stamp: Insult
People taking the post for granted and not being able to do anything about it: Powerless.

Not having to talk about all this to a Reporter: Priceless.

2. Call Centre Executive

Taking endless call in a day without breaks: Frustration
Having to blah-blah constantly without stopping: Occupational injury
People giving calling you and the company bad names and yet having to kiss ass: Insult

Getting paid 12k per month to do all this: Priceless.

3. Software programmer

Typing on and on, ruining your eyes and fingers: Senses hazard.
Listening to crap from Project Manager, when unable to meet deadline: Insult
Getting hooked to programming and being unable to think anything else: Family problems

Getting a world class, overblown office to work in: Priceless.

4. Human Resources

Meeting endless list of weird people: Mental paralysis
Getting the curses of everyone to whom you say the rejection words: Getting hurt
Listening from your bosses on making the wrong selection: Insult

Getting to insult people on their face: Priceless.

5. Teacher

Teaching the same stuff, generation after generation: Monotonous
Taking the curses of students: Getting hurt.
Having to answer the Principal and sometimes parents when students don't study: Insult

Getting to see the students successful at some point in their lives: Priceless

6. My job

Seeing your idea getting trashed by Client servicing people: Insult
Sitting in a cubicle and not getting any idea: Frustration
Writing the same flowery, superlative stuff: Boredom

Getting all the time and internet to post these nonsense: Priceless.

There are most things your jobs can't buy, for everything else there's a salary

P.S- Am I the only one who feels every job is accompanied with insult?

How weird do these sound

2007-06-21T02:27:00.000-07:00

1. Client Servicing-
"I just love to take his briefs*"

2. Manager-
"We'll touch it tomorrow."

3. Interviewer-
"So when did you pass out?"

4. Mathematician-
"Lets multiply"

5. Dentist-
"Tell me if it's sensitive if I touch you there"

6. Cricketer-
"We have to learn to catch balls properly"

7. Chemist-
"I specialize in finding F-centres**"

8. Musician-
"I love playing my organ"

9. Travel agent-
'Go to places you've never been'

10. Teacher-
"I want you to open up to me"

11. Customs Officer in an Airport-
"Open the zip, I want see everything"

12. Owner of a chicken farm-
"Where's my cock?"

Life of an average student

2007-06-21T02:25:00.000-07:00

I've always been an average student. My best of friends were average student. People around me have largely been average students. But what's fun there in life if you've never experienced it. It's fun and laughable...let me give you an overview.

Life of an average students is largely filled with video games and T.V, loads of sapne dekhna about your future life. An average students life becomes very interesting during the coming up of an exam.
Me present properties of an Average student-
1. Most of average students are considered brilliant by teachers(at some point of life), whether they are intelligent are not, is a subjective matter. They get pathetic marks. But get hyper on getting challenges. They are the people who never study, never want to study.
2. As soon as the Exam dates are announced the first thing that comes to their mind is "Yess! I can prove myself this time". They go home dreaming their marks.
3. On reaching home they make plans for the whole exams. They open book. They think..."I've to read this perfectly". With this thought they read 1 page in 1 hour. They NEVER stick to their plan.
4. They read nothin until it's the day before their exams. The average students now are determined to do well, but scared. They reach home, say "let me just watch a little T.V and refresh my mind." Only to find MTV playing back to back good songs or a movies they had been dying to watch, playing now.
The varieties hooked to gaming, now find that they have reached the next level, which till now was impossible to reach.
5. Time goes like this to night 9:00 pm. Now they are really scared. So they make a new plan. Chapters they earlier wanted to finish in 3 days, would be done in 3 hours. Then comes tea ceremony. They make tea, loads of it...to keep them awake through the night, thinking "Yess, I can do it!"
6. Even after drinking 3 cups of tea, we do feel sleepy...at 11pm. While ordinarily we get sleep around 12:00.
7. They keep the alarm for 3:00 am.
8. Wake up at 3:00. Shut the alarm. Read for a while, keep alarm for 4:00 and sleep off again.
9. They then wake up at 7:00, get ready and dash off to study in the class.
10. That day in particular people come to dash to their vehicle or a really bad traffic jam.
11. In school they sincerely study 1 Question. See topics and just ignore them.
12. Question paper is filled with topics, they just browsed, but didn't read.
13. They come out of examination hall thinking next exam would be better.
14. All the exam goes equally bad due to repetition of the above mentioned scenes.
15. Average student however manage to pass in the final exam.
16. They actually end up leading the same life as the toppers or failures.

Funny possible NEWS Entries

2007-06-21T02:23:00.000-07:00

1. News Item-
"Wife takes revenge on husband, paints his car pink."

2. Classified entry-
"Alliance invited for 28 year old handsome boy. Age no bar, Caste no bar, Sex no bar"

3. Advertisement-
"Salman's Driving School"

4. Advertisement-
"Salman's Olymplic Shooting Training"

5. Advertisement-
"Vivek Call Centre training Institute"

6. News Focus-
"India's biggest food fest, brought to you by Harpic"

7. News Item
"Parliement to discuss bill on noise pollution"

8. Crime News
"Adnan Sami arrested for trying to commit suicide by eating a plateful of cheese cake and 3 samosas"

9.News Item
"Self proclaimed God man prays for his long-life. "

10. Page 3 entry
"Fashion Designer bursts in laughter at his own creation"

11. Investigation
"Seven member panel of retired principals to investigate why suddenly parents laugh on hearing A for Apple, B for Ball, C for......"

12. Police Blotter
"Software Engineer survives near fatal drowning at swimming pool. Yelled 'F1, F1' for help"

Media related definitions

2007-06-21T02:21:00.000-07:00

1. Newspaper-A flexible apparatus that gets your blood surging without doing any physically challenging exercise.

2. News Channel- Practical implication of "Pise hue aate ko peesna"

3. The Week- Magazine covering week's issues that is published once in a fortnight.

4. Outlook magazine- Congress mouthpiece.

5. News Channels -Same wine, same bottle, different label.

6. Reporter- Come in 3 varieties- News Repeaters, News Exaggerators and News Extractors.

7. Reality Shows- The script is such that it looks unscripted

8. DoorDarshan- How I&B Ministry would not like to call it- 'National Embarrassment'

Just asking....

2007-06-21T02:20:00.000-07:00

1. How many generations would it have taken to conclude that a tortoise lives for 200 years?

2. Instead of the whole shaving process, why don't guys just use Anne French/Veet?

3. Who would have tested a parachute?

4. Which bright minds founded that stool tests can give vital information?

5. How many shots concluded that a bullet is fatal?

6. How many human beings would it have taken to develop cooking over the years?

7. Who concluded that Arsenic is poisonous?

Mantras for the lazy, by the lazy, from the lazy

2007-06-21T02:19:00.002-07:00

(largely designed by men...)

1. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down.

2. Laziness is resting before you get tired.

3. My idea of cleaning is sweeping the room with a glance.

4. Laziness is about getting exhausted on seeing someone else work.

5. Laziness is about inspiring others to do nothing, by doing nothing.

6. Man! Using the remote is such hard work. Can't they work on telepathy.

Worst curses you can give someone....

2007-06-21T02:19:00.001-07:00

1. Bhagwan kare tujhe badi zoron si lagi ho, aur tere patloon ka nada phas jaaye.

2. Bhagwan kare tu ftv dekh raha ho aur teri maa aa jayen aur teri remote ki battery mar jaaye.

3. Bhagwan kare tera bahut zaroori meeting ho aur raste mein traffic jam ho jaaye.

4. Bhagwan kare tera isapgol office mein kaam kar jaaye, aur usi samay paani ka supply kat jaaye.

5. Bhagwan kare tera zaroori exam ho, aur tere ghar bijli chali jaaye.

6. Bhagwan kare teri shaadi mein tu pair choone jhuke aur teri pant krrrrr karke phat jaaye.

7. Bhagwan kare teri suhaag raat ke din tere kamre ka darwaza toot ke gir jaaye.

8. Bhagwan kare tu aadhi raat gaadi chalate hue uski petrol khatm ho jaaye aur teri jeb mein phooti kaudi na ho.

9. Bhagwan kare tujhe zukaam ho jaaye, aur tu roomaal ghar mein he bhool jaaye.

>>Bhagwaan kare ise padhne wale ke saath ye sab kabhi naa ho<<

A lil' philosofi....

2007-06-21T02:18:00.000-07:00

>> Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lesson afterwards.

>> Life is a play. What part you played, you get to know only in the end .

>> That person becomes successful in life who can build a firm building by the bricks thrown at him by others.

>>Humility is the toughest thing to hold. The minute you think you've got it, you've lost it.

>> A good teacher is one who says nothing and leave nothing unsaid.

>> Everybody is ignorant...only on different subjects.

>> Strike the Iron when it's hot and make the iron hot by striking again and again.

>> God made time, man invented it.

>> Be good to everyone who caomes at your door step, even your enemies. A tree does not withdraw it's shade to a man who comes to cut it.

What they should/shouldn't be saying

2007-06-21T02:16:00.000-07:00

>>Sonia Gandhi in India...
"Oh my God! I'm an alien"

>>Musharraf to himself...
"Did my publishing house mistake my book to be non-fiction?"

>>Musharraf to himself...
"Did the publishing house actually even read my book?"

>>Owner of a 2 crore pen...
"Now where did I put that darn thing?"

>>Owner of a vertu...
"Hmmm....I should get a Reliance connection"

>>Bush...
"And I thought Iran was spelled I-R-A-Q....Oops....wrong country!"

>>Bush...
"Man! I have a bad feeling that the whole world hates me"

>>Owner of a Swiss watch...
"Sheesh! I'm late..............again!"

>>Arjun Singh...
"I believe in equality"

>>Manmohan Singh...
"I get nightmares that I'm not in control of my country....what do I do..............................ma'am?"

>>M. F Hussain on Christie's Live bidders...
"Suckers!"

>>M.F Hussain on painting...
"I'll quit painting when my great-grandson learns to talk"

>>Pilot in mid-air flight...
"Oooh!.....what does this button do?"

Idiotic Questions....irritating answers

2007-06-21T02:15:00.002-07:00

1. Why do we press the buttons of the remote harder when the batteries dead?
Because it works.

2. Did you just cut your hair??
No yaar!....just shedded for the autumn.

3.Have you grown this BIG??
No aunty...i think your eye balls have really gone bad.

4. (on seeing a blank screen) Isn't the cable coming?
No yaar, I really find this black and white things far more entertaining.

5. (on seeing you drag your vehicle) What's the matter...it's not starting?
No, doctor advice me to walk it everyday for it's good health

6. Teacher: Don't you know the answer of this question?
Ma'am if I really knew the answer, there isn't much point of me being here, is it?

7. (after crash landing from cycle) Are you hurt?
Whatcha saying, I get down like this only.

Some irrefutable food laws

2007-06-21T02:15:00.001-07:00

1. The tastier the food looks, the more unhealthy it is....stay away from pastries.

2. The tastier, the lower it is in nutrition.....that's why spinach tastes like rust.

3. After packing your stomach with dinner....you really can't eat one more spoon of sambhar/spinach.....but there is always space for desserts/chocolates.

4. Your doctor will never, NEVER say..."don't eat vegetables....stay away from them"

5. You always say..."I'll have one carrot everyday"....you don't follow it.
You alway say...."I won't have another bar of chocolate"....you don't follow it.

6. A vegetable juice can never become delicious, until you add 5 spoons of sugar in it.

7. Man, during his lifetime, gets a sack of everything, to eat. If you have the sugar sack everyday....it will be banned in later life. If you avoid that sack of vegetables.....you'll have to eat it in your later life.

Some vicious circles

2007-06-21T02:14:00.000-07:00

1. One can earn more by spending in advertising and to spend in advertising one needs to earn more.

2. We can't get a clean government until the society is educated and we can't get the society educated until we get a clean government.

3. We can't have good students until we have good teachers and we can't have good teachers if we don't have good students.

4. To have more entrepreneurs we need more people with corporate experience and to have more of this, we need more entrepreneurs.

5. One needs a good degree to to make a lot of money and one needs a lot of money to get a good degree (straight from the heart of an IIM aspirant).

6. For a lot of readers one needs a good blog and to have a good blog one needs a lot of readers (motivation factor).

Some records.......

2007-06-21T02:13:00.000-07:00

All for the record...this entry is dedicated to some weird records.....

>> The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

>> The longest place name still in use is:Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturi-
pukakpikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu - a New Zealand hill.

>> Louisa Almedovar and her boyfriend Rich Langley kissed non-stop for a record 30 hours, 59 minutes and 27 seconds on December 5, 2001, at the television studios of Ricki Lake, New York City, USA. The puckered-up pair locked lips for a Valentine's Day special, and didn't separate once to sit down, eat, or even visit the bathroom.

>> Tathagat Avatar Tulsi (b. September 9, 1987) of New Delhi, India, successfully passed his M.Sc in Physics from Patna University, at the age of 12 years, two months, and 19 days, on November 28, 1999.(things like this make you wanna believe in god...for cursing him/her atleast)

>> The longest lesson learned was of 72 hours on English language by David Specchio and 30 pupils (all China) from English First in Shanghai, China from September 9-12, 2005.

>> Ashrita Furman (USA) pushed an orange with his nose for a distance of one mile (1.6 km) in 24 min 36 sec in Terminal 4 of JFK Airport, New York, USA on 12 August 2004. ....that leaves just one pushing Q in the mind...."WHY??"

>> Kimberly Yeo Sue Fern (Singapore) typed a prescribed 160-character text on her mobile phone in 43.2 sec.

>> The record for the fastest time to solve a Rubik Cube is 11.13 sec and was achieved by Leyan Lo (USA)

>> The greatest distance at which a grape thrown from ground level has been caught in the mouth is 99.82 m (327 ft 6in), by Paul J. Tavilla.

>> Classroom assistant Jill Drake (UK) screamed at an incredible 129 decibels. Jill admits the talent came...thanks to her two sons playing loud music all the time.

Some laws inspired by Murphy, the ultimate genius

2007-06-21T02:12:00.000-07:00

1. The chances of you getting caught doing something stuppid is directly proportional to how many people are there around you.
2. The probability of you finding the thing you're looking for, is inversely proportional to how badly you want it.
3. The probability of you finding thing you're not looking for is directly proportional to how badly you were looking for it the other day.
4. The chances of a stain on your new carpet is directly proportional to how expensive it is.
5. The chances that your computer will crash is inversely proportional to how much time you have to complete it & directly proportional to the amount of time since you last saved it.
6. The chances of your vehicle breaking down is directly proportional to how many vehicles are there behind you.
7. The chances of a traffic jam is inversely proportional to how much time you have to reach your destination.
8. The chances of you getting a high salary is inversely proportional to the knowledge you have.
9. Looks is inversely proportional to size of brain.
10. If something CAN go wrong, it WILL go wrong.

Men vs. Women(Yeah baby!)

2007-06-21T02:09:00.000-07:00

Part II: The reality

(Differences different from the ones you knew about)

1. A gal's index finger is always bigger or equal to her ring finger. A guy's is always shorter. This is due to high testosterone.

2. A woman can double-cross her leg. A guy can't.

3. While speaking a woman uses both sides of her brain and that's why she's good at conversations.

4. Women are much less accurate in drawing graphics than guys.

5. Ever complained women got no sense of direction....well it's evolution. Traditionally women were gatherers and men were hunters. So there wasn't ever a need for women to keep track of directions whereas men, as hunters had to remember their way around.

6. Men remember their way around by making a mental map. Women remember their way around by remembering landmarks.

7. Men are much more adept to work in a group than woman. That comes from evolution too. Men being hunters had to work in a group, women being gatherers never needed to work in a group.

8. Guys don't have any trace of Estrogen but every women have some quantity of testosterone in them. And that's why during menopause...some women get a tiny moustache or beard as their estrogen level dips below their testosterone levels. Actually male species evolved from female.

9. Homosexual men show more feminine behaviour. Homosexual women show a more masculine behaviour.

Men vs Women (Yeah Baby!)

2007-06-21T02:06:00.000-07:00

Part I – The Perception

I read this somewhere. Felt shocked about the biased reality. But trust me you are going to feel the same. The scenarios when we change our views when it concerns him or her. Read on>>

Scenario 1> His desk is cluttered.
Perception 1> He must be such a diligent person.

Scenario 1> Her desk is cluttered.
Perception 2> What an untidy and disorganised scatterbrain.

Scenario 2> His mobile
Perception 1> Is to keep in touch with clients.

Scenario 2> Her mobile.
Perception 2> Is for gossiping.

Scenario 3> His idea gets selected.
Perception 1> What a genius!

Scenario 3> Her idea gets selected.
Perception 2> Fluke!

Scenario 4> Her vehicle hits a guy.
Perception 1> We’ve such bad drivers. Look at her!

Scenario 4> His vehicle hits a girl.
Perception 2> We’ve such bad walkers!

Scenario 5> He burns the food.
Perception 1> He’s trying to help in the house inspite of work in his office. What a gentleman!

Scenario 5> She burns the food.
Perception 2> Man! She can’t even cook properly. I wonder how she manages the office.

Scenario 6> His team fails miserably.
Perception 1> His brilliant strategy was brought down by his low wit employees. Poor him!

Scenario 6> Her teams fails miserably.
Perception 2> Her team’s totally tolerating her stupidity. Poor them!

Scenario 7> He’s getting married.
Perception 1> Finally he’s decided to settle in life and turn into a responsible family man.

Scenario 7> She’s getting married.
Perception 2> I knew it. What else can she do in life.

Scenario 8> He applies for paternal leave.
Perception 1> A responsible family man indeed.

Scenario 8> She applies for maternal leave.
Perception 2> She’s taking the company for granted. What are we going to do for 3 weeks?

Scenario 9> He’s shopping for…
Perception 1> Necessary accessories he has run out of.

Scenario 9> She’s shopping for…
Perception 2> Splurging. She will empty some poor man’s pockets.

Scenario 10> Him fighting with another guy.
Perception 1> Man to man settlement. Separate them before blood comes out.

Scenario 10> Her fighting with another woman.
Perception 2> Catfight. They are annoying everyone else.

Scenario 11> His bulk laundry.
Perception 1> Men!

Scenario 11> Her bulk laundry.
Perception 2> Lazybones!

So that’s about the perception part. Irrespective of what women have achieved there are always going to be fellow assholes (that includes women as well) who believe women are dumb and are meant to slog. Adios till next time for part II that includes detailed research on what characteristics are atypical of men and women.

Some useless facts....

2007-06-21T02:03:00.000-07:00

If all the arteries and blood vessels in your body are joined from end to end...they'll make a rope long enuff to go round the equator four times.
In certain tribes in Africa, when a guy enters puberty, his hands are tied inside a bag containing ants that bite worse than red ants....for days. When a girl does...her each and every hair is plucked out by hand in celebration.
Nuclear wastes are dumped in the sea.
Mentos will explode when put inside a pepsi bottle(and was demonstrated by mythbusters)
Until each and every child takes polio drops and get immune...polio cannot be eradicated. Even if one child is left out....chances are that the disease will return.
The first medicine tablet was originally used as a dye to colour clothes(green colour).
It's impossible to sneeze and keep your eyes open at the same time.
If you manage to reach Jupiter one day, you'd not able to land anywhere, since Jupiter is a ball of gas.
Petrol was once used as medicine.

Some stupid questions the HR ask, what you want to answer VS what you answer

2007-06-21T01:59:00.000-07:00

HR are people who expect you create a symphony all by yourself in the bloody horrible voice of yours. They have an in-built program inside them that goes like this.....

Sitting posture correct------->>Yes>> Proceed to question "Could you tell me more about yourself?"
!
!___>>No>>Proceed with interview and terminate saying "We'll get back to you later"

Here are some questions the ridiculous HRs ask.....

1. Could you tell me more about yourself?

You want to say..."My name is ____. I'm a friendly person. I like trekking, skiing, watching T.V......."
You say...."My name is. I'm currently working with ______. In my office my responsibilities were ______ and I achieved _______. I'm trying expand my skills and........."

2. Why do you want to leave your previous job?

You want to say..."The pay is low, the work is way to high. The employers hate me, I hate them. I hate my colleagues too. Besides the there was no lunch-break."
You say..."In my previous office I believe my skills weren't put to the best use since they had limited operations. There I did .............. . But my knowledge on .............. weren't utilised at all. "

3. Why do you want to work for us?

You want to say..."Why do I want to work for you?! Now which idiot released an ad in the wanted section"
You say..."I'm looking for better challenges. Considering you are among the best....................... . I believe it's an excellent place for me to grow and utilise my knowledge to the best and learn more from the fine individuals who work here."

4. What are your positive qualities?

You want to say..."Mmmm....Uhhh.....Well..........Ummm.....I'm a very fast thinker....and I can juggle and kiss ass well too. I can kick the same ass well too."
You say..."I have the innate ability to come up with solutions fast. Considering my broad knowledge base I can handle ..................."

5. What are your negative qualities?

You want to say..."I'm a bit lazy. I tend to overeat mostly. I just love to sleep...especially winter mornings....and due to this there are chances I'll be work to late....or is it late to work....sheesh! I should have learnt that G-thing in high school!"
You say..."I'm a bit of a perfectionist and go out of my way to ensure that I excel in what I do...and tend to push my team for that perfection........."

6. Can you expand on your responsibilities in your previous office?

You want to say..."Ass-kissing, Consultant driver , part-time office boy when he's off, Coffee-making machine, Doing each and every project...did I mention ass kissing?"
You say..."I really can't expand on my responsibilities since I was responsible for everything. I handled Public relations, project management and many social-service based responsibilities...basically I was indispensable"

7. What can you do for us?
You want to say..."I have the talent and potential to make this company shut down."
You say..."Pretty much everything that I did there, with expanding my duties in the dept of_______ "

8. What is the renumeration you are expecting?
You want to say..."How about a partnership?"
You say..."Though it is not a constraint I'm comforable working for ______"

10 mind boggling questions/realities

2007-06-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

(don't think too much about it...these questions may boggle your mind)

Statutory Warning: These questions arise in the minds of many thinkers...but nonone has dared to ask. If your brain is of the kind that gets short circuited by thinking...please do not read them. Mental problems arising due reading them shall not be brought against this blog and any legal jurisdiction will be settled in court on every 30/2/, 31/4, 31/6/, 31/11/ of the year.

1. Where is the end of universe?If an end is found...what is after that? And if that has a boundary...what is after that?

2. Well....in vedas it is said that life will start, go through 4 yugas and then will destroy itself. If that's the case.....hum itna mar mar ke kyon jeete hain?....we can as well live like beggars....end is going to happen anyway...and your good work will be destroyed anyways.

3. Einstein said that everone lives in a parallel universe. If you are a billionnaire here...you could be a beggar in the other universe....which is the real universe...which is real you then?

4. Going by the way humans are living end is inevitable....so why do work so hard for a living?

5. Scientists say time-travel is possible through wormholes....what if someone goes in past and kills you....then what happens to your present?

6. What happens to the people who have bought land in moon(yep!...it's on sale..and for idiots, it's pretty cheap)....I mean moon is going further from earth. And if tech is made to reach moon....how will you take construction workers and cement and WATER and air...to make a house? Wouldn't it be scary to live in moon....loneliness....And they say they have the exact location in the land papers....how do the sellers know all these details? Who gave them the right to sell moon?

7. Considering the way life came on earth...it's pretty likely that that there's life forms out there. How would they be living like? What is scarier....life form elsewhere......or living alone in the entire BIG universe.

8. String theory suggests that it is likely that one day when you are pushing the wall......it's possible that you go through it like ghosts.......what if one day such a thing happens one day in a tea shop in Jhumri Talaiya....would he be considered a ghost?

9. What if one day suddenly you see god....would you be scared? If there is a God...isn't it likely there are ghosts too?.....And if there is no God.....how do you explain sixth sense? And if there is a God......then why spend so many billion dollars for research on the origin of Universe?

10. How come everytime K-serials take a 20 year leap...there is no technological advancement or evolution? And if these stories took place 20 years back...how there were mobile phone then?
How would K-serials look like if they think keeping in mind the evolution?