Whatever's! Road Show Award

Welcome to the century's first and last Road Show Award, celebrating everything irritating on the road. Enjoy yourself to the fullest and take the accolades, display it proudly.

And we begin the Award show!

93.5 RED FM Show stopper award- Goes to MTC buses for blocking the way for other vehicle at the traffic signal...they will stand and block the road in a lane, they won't drive in.

Bonkers serial honkers award- Is shared by over 1 million people, who are in the habit of honking their vehicles for others to move out, knowing there is no way out, or at traffic signals.

Stevie Wonder Colour blind award- Is shared by over 3 million people who speed up on seeing red signal...making traffic in the other lane wait for 5-6 seconds. Also goes to a million people who jump the red signal if the traffic in the other end isn't "heavy"

India Post Snail Award- Goes to all the cyclists, for driving in the middle of the road and not giving any 'opportunity' for other vehicles to overtake. The corners of the road is conveniently left for people to loadshed the 'waterfall'

Hutch-Airtel Blah-blah award- Goes to all the people who talk while riding...slowly and crappily. If they stop their vehicke and talk they'll be 'Obeying the Law', which they don't wanna do. Such people are the ultimate nuisance on the road, coz they don't even let you overtake.

Aviva 'Delayed decisions' Award- Goes to all the bikers who don't apply breaks in time due to multiple reasons, such as sight-seeing 'chicks'. On an event, when the front vehicle stops suddenly, they'll go and dash with their number-plate.

Whirlpool Fast Freeze Award- Goes to some walkers. They would choose the most inappropriate time to cross the road, and when see a vehicle speeding towards them...they'll neither move ahead or backward...they'll freeze in their place. Also they never move out of your way when you are honking behind them.

Agarwal Packers and Movers Award- Goes to all the people who carry 5 people in their 2- wheeler. The pillion riders are somehow packed in the two wheeler, kids are just hanged somewhere and they'll move. Such people are a nuisance coz they lose their balance while driving and ofcourse grab a lot of surface area.

91.7 BIG FM Award- Goes to all BIG trucks who 'must' travel only at 9 a.m, making the traffic move so slooooow

Oxford Dictionary Foul mouth Award- These drivers are a walking dictionary of bad words...cursing everyone they lay their eyes on...in loud voice. They irritate everyone on the road.

Pond's Anti Ageing Award- Goes to all drivers who being their grandfathers 4-wheelers on the road. Not only they are noisy, they are slow and often break down during peak hours in the middle of a narrow-junction.

WILLS Smoky Award- Due to popular demand the Award has two categories. The award is shared between people who smoke on the roads, irritating the non-smokers
and people whose vehicle gives away smoke like a chimney, choking the other people on the road.

PETA 'Save the buffalo' Award- Goes to all drivers with a buffalo sized nayi naveli chamchamaati gaadi, but don't have quarter the talent to drive it. The vehicle's so big that there's no space to overtake and their driving talents are so bad, that you're stuck behind them driving at 30 kmph.

And last, but not the least(definitely)

BOSE headphones Award- For everyone who drives a vehicle with a noise which even a deaf can hear. People fitting this category will be given innumerable BOSE headphones, which they can gift to other drivers for tolerating the noise.

The irritating assistant

Some people are just born to be irritating. Seeing my workload, it was good to get an assistant for my office...but all I got was complete wireframe idiot to assist me.

Irritating, ugly piece of sh*t! He's so pathetic that he doesn't even deserve to live.
He would ask me the most idiotic questions when I'm busy and irritate me with his silly antics. Wish I could change him...but I can't...I got no one else!

So will have to tolerate his utter crappy stupidity. ugly UGLY thing. Here are few pics of him, in his worst antics .........

The amazing thing called chemistry

Chemistry intrigues me. It's a different matter that it is the recommended medication for insomniacs
.
But it just intrigues me...that how 103 elements make the universe and all come together to run your body. How the whole universe is run by electrons, protons and neutrons.

How just a chemical called adrenalin can make your vision and hearing better, increase your pulse rate and blood pressure, make you alert, make you take better decision and increase your muscular strength!
How the whole life is nothing but just chemicals interacting with each other. How the chemicals in DNA can carry your face and your attitude to your kids.

Here's some amazing facts/things you can use/non sense-

1. When you're suffering from acidity and nothing else works, just put some Baking soda and few drops of lemon and drink it. (Please don't take this too frequently)
2. Element Carbon forms more compounds than the entire compounds of all the elements in the Periodic Table put together.
3. How much of Hydrogen and Oxygen together would have formed an ocean.
4. What if water would have been sticky in nature?
5. Water would boil faster in mountains.
6. Gold can only react with a combination of Nitric Acid and Sulphuric Acid.
7. Carbon Monoxide relaxes your muscle. So in a closed room if you are being suffocated by it, you will never even know your dying.
8. Uranium, earlier, was used for imparting colour to glass and in pottery. It was also used in dentistry.
9. Pepsi was originally sold as a medicine that aided in digestion (Pepsi owes its name to an enzyme called pepsin)
10. The cells in your body have a property, that while growing, if they touch each other, they stop growing. E.g, when there's a cut in your body, the skin cells multiply and when they touch each other, they stop multiplying.
This property is lost in cancer, the cells keep on multiplying.
11. Hydrogen doesn't have a single neutron.
12. If an atom is blown to the size of a Football field, the nucleas would be of the size of a pea.
13. Sodium burns in water.
14. Bacteria and germs are known to decrease, when kept inside a Brass vessel.
15. You shouldn't use a mobile near an Oxygen tank. Oxygen is attracted to the radio waves.
16. Water should have been a gas, by property. Weak bonds called Hydrogen bonds make it a liquid.
17. Brain is 60% fat. Infact brain becomes a liquid and during autopsy and is collected, tested and thrown away.
18. Estrogen and Androgens are made from Cholesterol in the body.
19. It would take us 50 years to digest a single meal, if it weren't for enzymes.
20. Japanese consider water containing V2O5 as a good substitute for mineral water.

What resume's say, what they mean

Enough of 'What employment ads say and what they mean". Resume's are the biggest pieces of bluffs. So here's a list of decoded resume' entries.

1. Keen to learn- When you talk I'll pretend that I'm listening.

2. Good communication skills- Have the habit of gossiping on the phone.

3. Wide experience- Have worked as a Delivery Boy, cook, driver, barber and telephone operator unsuccessfully before.

4. Friendly- When you ask me anything I'll answer.

5. Good in sports- I have the highest scores in Nintendo, Roadrash, Diablo, Motorcross madness...

6. Outgoing personality- I'm always going out of the office.

7. Complete teamplayer- When I do something wrong, I blame my team.

8. Very good at Office organization- I can type in Microsoft Word.

9. Keen to take new roles- Will quit soon for a new job.

10. Career-oriented- Will kiss your ass or stab your back, as the requirement may be.

11. Fast learner- I already know how your coffee-machine works.

12. Want to go to places- Mainly the lunch room. Otherwise Goa and Bahama.

13. Deadline oriented- I'll get to office on time.

14. Have done a few special courses- I read the Instruction manual of your coffee machine.

15. Good Hardware skill- Any problem in the computer will be dealt using a hammer.

16. Good Software skill- Am very good at using the internet and Yahoo Messenger.

17. Clean History- I clear history completely after visiting a porn site.

18. Outstanding Academic performance- Most of the time during the college I was standing out.

19. Hard-working- I work very hard to avoid work.

Life of an average student

I've always been an average student. My best of friends were average student. People around me have largely been average students. But what's fun there in life if you've never experienced it. It's fun and laughable...let me give you an overview.

Life of an average students is largely filled with video games and T.V, loads of sapne dekhna about your future life. An average students life becomes very interesting during the coming up of an exam.
Me present properties of an Average student-
1. Most of average students are considered brilliant by teachers(at some point of life), whether they are intelligent are not, is a subjective matter. They get pathetic marks. But get hyper on getting challenges. They are the people who never study, never want to study.
2. As soon as the Exam dates are announced the first thing that comes to their mind is "Yess! I can prove myself this time". They go home dreaming their marks.
3. On reaching home they make plans for the whole exams. They open book. They think..."I've to read this perfectly". With this thought they read 1 page in 1 hour. They NEVER stick to their plan.
4. They read nothin until it's the day before their exams. The average students now are determined to do well, but scared. They reach home, say "let me just watch a little T.V and refresh my mind." Only to find MTV playing back to back good songs or a movies they had been dying to watch, playing now.
The varieties hooked to gaming, now find that they have reached the next level, which till now was impossible to reach.
5. Time goes like this to night 9:00 pm. Now they are really scared. So they make a new plan. Chapters they earlier wanted to finish in 3 days, would be done in 3 hours. Then comes tea ceremony. They make tea, loads of it...to keep them awake through the night, thinking "Yess, I can do it!"
6. Even after drinking 3 cups of tea, we do feel sleepy...at 11pm. While ordinarily we get sleep around 12:00.
7. They keep the alarm for 3:00 am.
8. Wake up at 3:00. Shut the alarm. Read for a while, keep alarm for 4:00 and sleep off again.
9. They then wake up at 7:00, get ready and dash off to study in the class.
10. That day in particular people come to dash to their vehicle or a really bad traffic jam.
11. In school they sincerely study 1 Question. See topics and just ignore them.
12. Question paper is filled with topics, they just browsed, but didn't read.
13. They come out of examination hall thinking next exam would be better.
14. All the exam goes equally bad due to repetition of the above mentioned scenes.
15. Average student however manage to pass in the final exam.
16. They actually end up leading the same life as the toppers or failures.

Some vicious circles

1. One can earn more by spending in advertising and to spend in advertising one needs to earn more.

2. We can't get a clean government until the society is educated and we can't get the society educated until we get a clean government.

3. We can't have good students until we have good teachers and we can't have good teachers if we don't have good students.

4. To have more entrepreneurs we need more people with corporate experience and to have more of this, we need more entrepreneurs.

5. One needs a good degree to to make a lot of money and one needs a lot of money to get a good degree (straight from the heart of an IIM aspirant).

6. For a lot of readers one needs a good blog and to have a good blog one needs a lot of readers (motivation factor).