Friday, October 12, 2007

A typical "get together"

Gowri Shankar suggested that I write a post on what goes inside the mind of people in a meeting. So here's my analysis (atleast what I felt what others were feeling in a recent meeting ) -

Scene - A team celebrating their good performance over cake, coke and snacks.

Team -

The ultimate Boss - overpaid, underworked, but modest enough not to show it in his voice.

The 2nd level Boss - an idiot who is lucky to be in this position, but smart enough to behave smart.

Team leader - the person with brains and the ultimate leader. His mind is DEVIL IN DISGUISE. He is the Ultimate Boss's right hand man.

Client Servicing Sr - Another idiot who is lucky to be in this position. Can do ANYTHING to get to the top level.

Client Servicing Jr - Neophyte, so kinda naive.

Designer 1 - Believes that circumstances are against this genius. Complainer.

Designer 2 - Modest and firmly believes that he is very lucky and doesn't mind admitting it.

Copywriter Sr - Doesn't understand a schmuck about advertising, but knows that he doesn't know.

Copywriter Jr - Isn't being appreciated for his hard work. New in the job, he is desperate to prove himself.

HTML Sr - The socially unsmart dude, who is damn good at his job.

HTML Jr - The smart dudette, who doesn't care about job, but is here coz she has nothing better to do and that's what she did for Graduation. Doesn't care about money either.

Team Leader : Hey team! Great Job! WE HAVE DONE IT AGAIN!!
Look at them Cheering! It is my hard work that is sustaining this company.

Copywriter Sr. - Yay! Three Cheerss! Great teamwork!!
Now let me not say anything else and look stupid.

The 2nd level Boss: Great job. We know YY Bank is a tough client, but we have managed to do great job for them for 2 years now! It is your zeal which is making the company successful. We have been setting up new pinnacles of outstanding creatives. Keep up the good work!
I hope that sounded intelligent. I should get that promotion this year!

Client Servicing Sr. - But ofcourse, it could not have been successful without your invaluable guidance (the ultimate Boss). Wherever we are, it is due to your hard work!
Did that sound desperate? Shucks! it was desperate.

Team Leader - Oh boy! Looks like they both are trying for promotion! Man I would LOVE to see their asses whipped! Let me invite Boss to say a few word.

Sir, would you like to say a few words, on where we stand, where we need to go?

The ultimate Boss : Yes, we have been doing a great job. But a great man is not the one who gets satisfied by what they have achieved, but by achieving what they want to achieve and set new goal....
We have a lousy team! God! Why do we have such a pathetic staff! We were just lucky to have YY Bank as our client.

Designer 1 - Yap. Yap Yap!! That is all he does. Apart from playing Solitaire. Look at the conditions we work in. The AC is soo cold. And the machines! God! Dinosaurs would have used better versions!

The ultimate Boss : ...I don't want this Company to be the city's best or country's best, but the world's BEST.
Oh with my great team, I know I'd get there in the next century! Man! I am paying them too much!

The ultimate Boss : So cheers!!


HTML 1 - Enough! Can we eat? Can we eat?

Team Leader - I don't think we'd get another time to discuss this. But....what do you think we need to actually make the place more productive? Any suggestions??
If they had their way, they'd say Vodka, Playboy, Computer games....

HTML 1 - Shucks!

Copywriter 1 - No....I don't think we need anything!
If I had my way, I'd say Vodka, Playboy, Computer games...let me not look stupid by suggesting anything.

Client Servicing 1 - No this place is so perfect! You take such good care of us Sir!
Shucks! That was so pathetically desperate! I'm gonna shoot myself!

The 2nd level Boss - You know I have worked for innumerable esteemed organisations. But only here we have the freedom to bring in flexibilty to enhance our skill, which ultimately goes towards bridging our gaps and contribute 100% to our commitments towards work.
Did that make any sense or not?

HTML 1- Thanks God! Can we eat? Can we eat?

Designer 1 - This is my last chance
Actually maybe we can get new computers. Our computers are so slow and gets stuck often, when we use both Adobe Photoshop and Corel Draw.
Please ask me what are those.

HTML Sr - Shucks again!!

The ultimate Boss - We are trying. I assure you will soon have new machines in place.
By next decade.

Client Servicing Jr - Maybe we can have a little Library, so that you know we can just browse through the books whenever we need.
Why isn't anyone excited by this brilliant suggestion?

The 2nd level Boss - Yes! I agree with that. You see knowledge is something we continue to acquire our whole lives. It is a deep ocean that we should immerse our minds in.
We can have the room near store room. Do I need to add anything here?

Client Servicing Sr. - Maybe we can even add a few magazines as well, to get a complete 360 degree views about the happenings in the world and be successful in walking in your footsteps!
Cosmopolitan would be nice. Shucks! Why do I sound so desperate.

Copywriter 1 - Actually we can have an internal magazine, where everyone can contribute and show their creative skills.
That would prove I'm better than him.

The ultimate Boss : Yes, yes. Very good suggestions. Why don't you (team leader) initiate the project?
More like ignore it till they forget!

Team Leader : We sure will see some changes happening around here. Why don't you (HTML Jr) make a list of things to do?

HTML Jr - Yeah sure! But I think we need to meet for it once again?
By the time they decide the date, I'll get married and run out of here.

Designer 2 - Lets begin the celebration. It is not often that we celebrate!!
I was so lucky that I got to do this project, hence the appreciation!!

Team Leader - Yes. Three cheers to our team. Thank you one and all for your contribution.
Thank you for not sucking in your job.
This celebration is special due to appreciation from the client. The idea was given by our brilliant Copywriter! (Copywriter Sr.)
Brilliant? Poof!!

Copywriter 1 - It was team work!

Copywriter 2 - Half the idea came from my side, until he came in and ruined it. That's it! I'm quitting!

Team Leader - And the designer, who did the designs.
He is an idiot who got this project.

Designer 2 - What exactly did the client say?
He is an idiot. He was just lucky to get this project. If only I wasn't stuck with the Offshore project, I'd have done a better job

Team Leader - Oh the client seemed pretty excited!
Just as a baby gets excited on seeing a candy...and we all know how stupid babies are.

The ultimate Boss - I think you all are doing a tremendous job. I will leave now! All the best Keep up the good work!
I can't see you all hogging on my hard earned money.

HTML Sr - Cake, cake!! Let me make the most of it while it lasts!

Team Leader - I'm the only one in this room who deserves to have it. Oh...what the heck. It doesn't kill to celebrate with people you work with.

ALL - Yaayyyyyyyyy!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Welcome to Fucking

Heyy, Don't look at me like that. I am telling you DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

This is what a signboard says. No, not in a motel, but in a village in Austria!!

Apparently, there is a sleepy town in the country, called Fucking & is pronounced as Fooking.
And the residents proudly say - "We love Fucking!"

Curious and naive tourists, are seen and heard asking the natives - "Can you guide me to Fucking?"

Read the article below -

And some more -