Why, Why, Why?!!?!?

WHY the HELL people don't consult EXPERTS before giving a name to their Company?????



ANUS LABS: What's the buzz? mmmmpph haaahahahahahaha!!

Top 5 Reasons why Rahul baba SHOULD become PM

Reason # 5 -
He has unmatched intelligence - Yes...it's true! Just ask him what is 2+2. If he says any number between 1 and 177533361345, it would speak volumes about his wisdom accumulated over the years and his unquestionable leadership at the tender age of 38.

Reason #4 -
Dalit Empowerment - Rahul baba would wed Maya madam. Hopefully behenji would forget the hot seat after becoming the first lady.

Reason #3 -
A clean PM - Rahul baba will not indulge in corruption, mud slinging, cheap politics, etc, etc, etc. Coz he has better things to do....like nothing....the exact thing he did between exiting Harvard and entering Lok Sabha. Hey Congress sycophants...STOP! I am taking this from credible sources...see here. Maybe Pizza will become cheaper....

Reason #2 -
He would clear all illusions people have about the Congress - Congress ka haath...aam aadmi ke saath.....by end of his rule....Aam aadmi ka middle finger Congress ke saath!

Reason #1 -
You would see this blog updated more frequently - Now that's the best reason of all!!!! Vote for Congress! Vote for Congress!*


* This is supposedly and widely believed to be a humor blog. Please think twice before voting!

Ho hum didley dum

Tamil Nadu is a state known to think ahead of its times...the bureaucrats we have are very functional. Just check out the Registration page of Tamil Nadu Electricity Board to pay bill online!*



* I absolutely do not intend any humor in this. It is high time society started treating trans gender. Yes, the only humor intended is the fact that a government organisation that is taking the first step! Infact Star Vijay airs a show hosted by a trans gender. Check it out here.

Interview with George Dubya Bush

Indian Reporter (IR): Hello Mr. Bush. Good morning!

Bush: Good morning??? It's almost night time here....hey, are you from India?

IR: Mmmm, err well, yes Mr. Bush. Thanks for joining in. I would begin the Interview by asking, what were your major achievements in your 4 year tenure.

Bush: Yes, that would be discovering the root cause of all the problems in the world.

IR: Let me take wild guess. Iraq?

Bush: No, that would be India.

IR: How is that?

Bush: India has a huge population. They consume a lot of resources.

IR: Mmmm, err, but US also happens to have the 3rd largest population in the World, though much lesser than India and China, but still 3rd largest. How do you explain that?

Bush: Well that is due to India.

IR: India!!?

Bush: Yes. Lots of Indians moving in, increasing the population of US. Moreover, India's awareness about condoms has largely reduced the supply in here. So more births.

IR: So why did you ban abortion?

Bush: Yes, that is because of India. Now in future, we need to be ahead of them in something.

IR: So how are you dealing with the food crisis? What do you think is the reason?

Bush: The reason for the food crisis is obviously increased consumption of food in India.

IR: But according to a statistic, US consumes 5 times more than an average Indian.

Bush: Yes, the increased consumption of food in US is due to India.

IR: How the hell is it due to India!??

Bush: Indians have snatched away a lot of jobs. Americans feel insecure, so they feel stressed. And in stress, a person eats more. So India is responsible.

IR: According to a statistic tonnes of food was destroyed due to drought or incessant rains. Climate change is responsible for the low food. Global Warming is the real reason. So what do you think about that?

Bush: Yes, there is climate change. And India is responsible for that.

IR: Again? How is that?

Bush: Yes, India is guzzling up more petrol. Therefore increased Carbon dioxide, so we have global warming.

IR: But India's carbon footprint is 1.2. American's footprint is 20.6!

Bush: Ya, for the increased footprint of Americans, India is responsible.

IR: How is India responsible for that??

Bush: Since India is snatching away all the jobs, Americans have to travel more, in search of a job. Also we have to burn the midnight oil to make the ends meet.

IR: So I suppose for every resource deficiency, India is responsible.

Bush: Yes. absolutely.

IR: So tell me, how the hell did you manage to screw up Iraq war?

Bush: Yes, that got screwed up. India is responsible for that.

IR: Are you outta your mind??? How was/is India responsible?

Bush: Since aviation sector has now largely developed in India, global aviation fuel spiralled up. So we had to cut down on our expenditure. We couldn't get in as many armed force personnel we wanted to.

IR: If you weren't sure, why did you take this headache in first place?

Bush: As I said, India is responsible.

IR: How is India responsible for that?????????????!!!!

Bush: Since you Indians are using a lot of gas, we had to find an alternate source.

IR: But I thought, you attacked Iraq fearing Weapons of Mass Destruction!

Bush: Oh! Did I? India is responsible for this goof up.

IR: NOW how India is responsible?

Bush: When I made that decision, I just had a paneer tikka, which is an Indian dish....very strong spices. So I manage to screw up. So, no doubt, India is responsible for that.

IR: Coming to Iraq war, therefore the terror attack, why did such a disaster even take place?

Bush: Well, yes, India is responsible for that.

IR: I knew you would say that! How?

Bush: Since a lot of Indians are moving in, we had no choice but to create space in the city be making tall buildings.

IR: And Osama, you never caught him.

Bush: Yes, it is all because of India.

IR: HOW THE HELL IS INDIA RESPONSIBLE??????????????????????????

Bush: Bollywood movie's influence is increasing in Pakistan. The troops there are mentally scarred by watching the movies. They are not able to devote ther 100% in looking for Osama.

IR: Many people blame that yours was the worst tenure in the history of America. What do you have to say about that?

Bush: Well...

IR: Let me guess, India is responsible for that.

Bush: That's right!!!

IR: But how?

Bush: That I am yet to figure out. I am not sure how, I have asked Condoleezza to look for the reason, but I am sure India is responsible. I am positive.

IR: Err, Mr. Bush, thank you for the interview. I am sure it is way beyond your bedtime.

Bush: It is!! Now I won't be able to sleep! I won't be able to take the right decisions tomorrow because I won't be able to sleep. ALL BECAUSE OF THAT REPORTER! ALL BECAUSE OF INDIA........

So I quit!*

It was a typical day. Sun was rising from the west. Cows were flying. Birds were barking. And on such a seemingly normal day, I did the unthinkable. I quit my job.

The itch began a few months back. The days when -

• I had nothing to do but browse the internet. I WAS BLOODY HELL GETTING PAID TO WATCH ONLINE VIDEOS!!!!
• I used to enter office by 10:00 AM and leave by 5:29 PM
• Had no job pressure whatsoever!
• Had a salary I could brag about.

And I thought - "To hell with this life!" I quit my job, my perfect perfect job. Rage was my home for 1.5 yrs. I worked with some of the most annoying and yet the people I can never forget (yup, they were that good!). Then the time comes when you have to leave. Little birdies have to leave the nest to fly high...or whatever you might wanna call.


A few good things I will miss -

1. The people - When I broke the news, my seniors told my that it is a great move and would greatly help my career.

2. High speed internet connection - Youtube vidoes played like makhkhan.

3. Evening snacks - Surya sweets' pizza, paav bhaaji, chana chaat, samosa, etc, etc


And a few things which I will not miss -

1. The job - I was fed up writing "Make your dreams come true". I didn't have a choice. Once I had to visit Top 25 websites of a few countries to check which bank ad appeared in those websites. My bad luck! The job was assigned to me because I had nothing to do. My bad luck! Many among the Top 25 websites were porn sites. My bad luck! Not many people knew about the project. : (

2. Tea - The tea was orangish-brown-white in colour and tasted like %^&*@.


In short, I would surely miss the place. I will not miss the work.


And I am entering a place where -

• Job pressure is as high as sitting at the bottom of Mount Etna.
• Overtime, night stay is as common as Bush blaming India for global warming/food crisis
  
• Work is inversely proportional to Bush's IQ.

New job! Here I come to get screwed!


* Caapirighter promises its readers that this was the last post wallowing in self pity. She will not dedicate another post about herself. Satan swears it on Bush.

Search Engine Wars

This post is not my creation, but rather an observation.

SEO is one of the new jobs on my head. So I did my own SEO analysis of my blog.

Here's the list of keyword that makes Google spider throw up my blog in the entries -

1. Bitchy blog (Jokes will not be appreciated, especially since my blog comes only in the third page ; )
2. supari.com
3. abhimanyu girotra (The regular drunk, who visits my blog irregularly.)
4. satan greeting card
5. satan keys manager
6. im gonna murder you (I take special credit for this one. It appears in 6th number, in first page :D)
7. ambuja cement mazboot cement (there are ONLY 2 results for this search. One is mine. The other is not Ambuja Cement.)
8. rahul ghandi - satanic (If Congressmen looked at this spelling, they will search the person and sue him/her)
9. drivar ne choda mujhe (Incredibly at 5th rank, despite the wrong spelling)
10. vodka for computers
11. what to say in a christmas card to your boss
12. christmas card to your boss
13. what to say on a birthday card to your boss
14. satan donkey
15. politicians satan
16. donkeys with horns

And here are a few interesting observation, presented unofficially in association with Alexa.

1. Indonesians LOVE forums. Filipinos LOVE games. Indians LOVE social networking.
2. Filipinos, I believe represents the biggest gay community, coz Guys4men.com appears at # 53 in Top 100 traffic rankings for Philippines.
3. Yahoo is the world's favouraite mail site.

ok, 'nuff said.

Now here is the killer discovery I made -

'Search engine' search in Google, doesn't show Google!

Here's a screenshot, to prove my point.


Not in the first page...but Google UK appears in Page 3, which is way below Yahoo, also in the 3rd page.

Kalyug ka Ramayan

Rama and Laxmana walking together enter the scene. Rama yelling "Seeta! Seeta!"

Rama : Laxmana, I cannot see your sister-in-law! She's not in the house...kahaan gayi hogi?"

Laxmana : Arre bhaiya, Big Bazaar mein 50% off...waheen shopping karne gayee hongi! Mobile mein call karke kyun nahin dekhte?

Rama calls Seeta

Rama : Not reachable! Ab kya karoon?

(spots her ornaments)

Rama : Ek minute! Ye to tumhare bhabhi ke hain!

Laxmana : Aapko kaise pata ye bhabhi ke hain?

Rama : Abbe yaar! Isi ka EMI bharte bharte to aaj main yahaan is haal mein aa gaya!

Laxmana : Yahaan par koi struggle hua hai!

Rama : Oh no!

Laxman : Yahaan par footsteps hain...ek to bhabhi ke hain...aur doosra kisi junglee aadmi ka lagta hai.

Rama : He Bhagwan! Meri Seeta theek to hogi na!

Laxman : Yahaan par ek flight aayi thi....Mtti ke direction ko dekhkar lagta flight us direction mein gayi hogi....humein bhi isi direction mein jaana chahiye.

Rama : Not bad Laxman! Horlicks peene ka faayda nazar aa raha hai?

Laxman : Chalo bhaiya, jaldi chalein.

Rama : Par wahaan tak chalke jaana hoga??

Laxman : Arre bhaiya! Naheen!! "TAXI!!"

Rama : Jaane kaisi hogi meri Sita!

Laxman : Bhaiya chinta kyun karte ho....bhabhi to black belt hain!

Rama : Phir bhi...


They spot the garuda....lying on the concrete road.


Laxman : Arre taxi walle bhaiya ruko!

Taxiwalla : Main har ghante wait karne ke 40 Rs charge karta hoon!

Laxman : Abbe teri....dhakkan! Kameene! Ullu ke paththe! Dimaag ghaas charne gaya hai? Baaki Taxi waale 50 Rs maangte hain....tu sirf 40 maang raha hai?

Rama : Arre....40 se khush hai to 40 lene do....tumhara kya jaata hai?

Laxmana : Magar Rama bhaiyya....


Getting down from taxi...


Garuda : Tum Rama ho? Kya tum apni biwi ko dhoondh rahe ho?

Rama : Haan magar aap....

Garuda : Main us plane ka pilot hoon! Ab kambakht kalyug mein pet bharne ke liye mujhe ye bhi karna pada...
Magar main to boodha garuda hoon saab! Kambakht Auto Pilot ka zamaana hai...Ravana ne mujhe dhakel kar plane ko le gaya!

Rama : Magar woh le kahaan gaya hai?

Garuda : Sri Lanka....waheen par Ravana ka rajya hai.
Aapki biwi ne aapke liye ye goggles bhi chhoda hai...


Rama sees it 'fastrack...haan ye bhi Seeta ke special goggles hain.


Wears it.

Goggle plays "This message is self destructory in 30 seconds"
Message : Hello Rama! This bloke is taking me to Sri Lanka without even a VISA! Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllpppppppppppppppp!!"

Rama takes off the goggles and throws it....it explodes.

Rama : To phir dadaji...

Garuda : Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

Rama : I mean...bhaiyya....

Garuda : Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

Rama : I mean...beta.....ye Ravana rehte kahaan hain?

Garuda : Don't worry, uska visiting card mere paas hai....


gives visiting card...


Laxmana : Bhaiyya, humein jald se jald nikalna chahiye....

Rama : Magar inka kya karein?

Garuda : Meri chinta mat karo...main apni girfriend ko phone kar doonga.

Rama : Beta, tumhari girlfriend kahaan rehti hai?

Garuda : Woh Lake Pulicat mein chutti mana rahi hai

Laxmana : Oh...phir to bahut der ho jayegi....hum Menaka Gandhi ko phone kar dete hain! Zyada jaldi aa jayengi

Rama : Laxmana....tum woh sab intezam karo...main Taxi Driver se wahaan tak jaane ka kiraya baat kar leta hoon.

(After everything is settled, they board the taxi, leaving garuda in Menaka Gandhi's care)

Laxmana : Baap re....itni jaldi to bijli bhi naheen aati!!!

(They are driving in full speed...)

Rama : Arre....ye kya.....bandar jaisa ek aadmi chala aa raha hai!

Laxmana : Gaur se dekho bhaiya, woh Andrew Symonds hai. Taxi wale bhiayya! RUKO!


They get down.


Rama : Hi! Tumhara naam kya hai?

Hanuman : Mera naam...And...And And.....dhat. Maine bahut paap kiya hain...Indian Cricket Team ke khilaaf. God ne mujhe punish kiya ke jab tak main aapki seva naa karoon.....tab tak main century nahin bana paaoonga.

Rama, main aapki madad karoonga.

Laxmana : Good....ab Lanka tak udo aur vaapas aao.

Hanuman : Sorry....depression mein mujhe bulimia ho gaya....aur....main bahut khana kha kar mota ho gaya. Doctor ne mujh udne se mana kiya hai.

Laxmana : Tumhari sehat ke liye?

Hanuman : Naheen, mere co-passengers ki sehat ke liye.

Main aapke saath Taxi mein chaloonga. Taxi ka bhaada main doonga.


Rama and Laxmana shrug. They all get in the taxi and move on!
The reach the port of Kanyakumari.


Rama : Laxmana.....ab hum paar kaise karen?

Laxman : Thoda intezaar karo bhaiya

Rama : Arre....woh kya? Ek Ship aa raha hai?

Laxmana : Woh hamare liye hi aa rahen hain bhaiya. Hum usi mein Sri Lanka tak jaayenge

Rama : Par ticket?

Laxmana : Chinta mat karo bhaiya, maine aate hue, makemytrip.com mein saara intezaam kar diya.

Rama : Wah mere bhai Laxman! Main tujhe aashirvaad deta hoon, is baar tera US ka Visa zaroor pass ho jayega!

Laxmana : Thank you bhaiya.


Ship nears.


Rama : Ye kya!! Ship mein to saare bandar bhare hain!

Laxman : Arre, phir gaur se dekho bhaiya....Indian team Sri Lanka ke daure ke liye nikal rahi hai. Usne bhi aapse kripa paane ke liye aapki seva mein utar aaye.

Hanuman : Cricket....(sniff)


They board the ship.
Travel to Lanka.
Confront Ravana.

Fight breaks out.


Rama heads for the kill...Ravana. Ravana rushes towards Rama. They both point their AK - 47s.

Suddenly....

Ravana : RAM01010101????

Rama : Raven 007??

Ravana : Well how are you buddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???


The war comes to a stanstill.


Rama : You kidnapped my wife!

Ravana : Sorry Rama! The idiot scriptwriter asked me to. But see the positive....we are finally meeting in person....and not in Orkut!

Rama : I hope she is ok....

Ravana : Absolutely!

Orders servant to get Sita.

Rama : Tum ho kaise??

Ravana : Sorry....Hinti nahi.

Rama : I said how are you?

Ravana : Great...but feeling bad.....to atone my sins....I offer a free holiday for everyone, sponsored by the Lanka tourism board.

Crowd : For everyone!?

Ravana : Yes! Let's go!