What resume's say, what they mean

Enough of 'What employment ads say and what they mean". Resume's are the biggest pieces of bluffs. So here's a list of decoded resume' entries.

1. Keen to learn- When you talk I'll pretend that I'm listening.

2. Good communication skills- Have the habit of gossiping on the phone.

3. Wide experience- Have worked as a Delivery Boy, cook, driver, barber and telephone operator unsuccessfully before.

4. Friendly- When you ask me anything I'll answer.

5. Good in sports- I have the highest scores in Nintendo, Roadrash, Diablo, Motorcross madness...

6. Outgoing personality- I'm always going out of the office.

7. Complete teamplayer- When I do something wrong, I blame my team.

8. Very good at Office organization- I can type in Microsoft Word.

9. Keen to take new roles- Will quit soon for a new job.

10. Career-oriented- Will kiss your ass or stab your back, as the requirement may be.

11. Fast learner- I already know how your coffee-machine works.

12. Want to go to places- Mainly the lunch room. Otherwise Goa and Bahama.

13. Deadline oriented- I'll get to office on time.

14. Have done a few special courses- I read the Instruction manual of your coffee machine.

15. Good Hardware skill- Any problem in the computer will be dealt using a hammer.

16. Good Software skill- Am very good at using the internet and Yahoo Messenger.

17. Clean History- I clear history completely after visiting a porn site.

18. Outstanding Academic performance- Most of the time during the college I was standing out.

19. Hard-working- I work very hard to avoid work.