My forensic analysis

It was the most boring traffic jam in T.Nagar. It seemed like I was stuck for eternity. Then I glanced at the passengers sitting on the bike in front of me. It was a guy and a gal. The gal had long hair, which she had let it loose.

My mind began my forensic analysis. She was in her jeans....so I assumed that she was a bit modern, though from middle class as she was plump...and dint care about her figure.

Then I noticed scratches in her hand ....I noticed how deep they were and there were 2 distinct lines.....someone must have cut her hands. I presumed that she lived alone with her husband. They hardly talked.

I saw it all and came to the conclusion. The man must be a merciless woman beater!! They must have had a fight. The wounds were fresh. They must have had a fight yesterday night. The sore loser must have lost the argument. To feel superior, he must have tried to injure her. Heck, he must have cut her hand with a blade!!

Bloody, friggin...asshole. Men! Why should they treat women like dirt? But one day they will learn. One day, women will rise. The day women listen to their inner heart. Fire will wrath. The fury will burn men to nothing.

I wanted to make a serious dent on his bike..as a punishment against my community. The traffic started clearing. I made my plan....as he would accelerate...I would ACCELERATE and hit him from behind. He would look back....but by that time...I would have already be ahead of him....lost in the swarm of traffic. Yes! I could finally figure out the purpose of my existence...the torchbearer of Women Empowerment. I felt like a big accomplisher already.

Traffic cleared. He started riding slowly.

Just when I was about to race my accelerator to make a dent...the man in front turned back and asked the 'woman' "Brother, where is the petrol bunk?"

A Health Tip in this era of obesity

Why, Why, Why?!!?!?

WHY the HELL people don't consult EXPERTS before giving a name to their Company?????



ANUS LABS: What's the buzz? mmmmpph haaahahahahahaha!!

Search Engine Wars

This post is not my creation, but rather an observation.

SEO is one of the new jobs on my head. So I did my own SEO analysis of my blog.

Here's the list of keyword that makes Google spider throw up my blog in the entries -

1. Bitchy blog (Jokes will not be appreciated, especially since my blog comes only in the third page ; )
2. supari.com
3. abhimanyu girotra (The regular drunk, who visits my blog irregularly.)
4. satan greeting card
5. satan keys manager
6. im gonna murder you (I take special credit for this one. It appears in 6th number, in first page :D)
7. ambuja cement mazboot cement (there are ONLY 2 results for this search. One is mine. The other is not Ambuja Cement.)
8. rahul ghandi - satanic (If Congressmen looked at this spelling, they will search the person and sue him/her)
9. drivar ne choda mujhe (Incredibly at 5th rank, despite the wrong spelling)
10. vodka for computers
11. what to say in a christmas card to your boss
12. christmas card to your boss
13. what to say on a birthday card to your boss
14. satan donkey
15. politicians satan
16. donkeys with horns

And here are a few interesting observation, presented unofficially in association with Alexa.

1. Indonesians LOVE forums. Filipinos LOVE games. Indians LOVE social networking.
2. Filipinos, I believe represents the biggest gay community, coz Guys4men.com appears at # 53 in Top 100 traffic rankings for Philippines.
3. Yahoo is the world's favouraite mail site.

ok, 'nuff said.

Now here is the killer discovery I made -

'Search engine' search in Google, doesn't show Google!

Here's a screenshot, to prove my point.


Not in the first page...but Google UK appears in Page 3, which is way below Yahoo, also in the 3rd page.

Desktop of a sincere worker

And no, that is not mine.

Whatever's! Road Show Award

Welcome to the century's first and last Road Show Award, celebrating everything irritating on the road. Enjoy yourself to the fullest and take the accolades, display it proudly.

And we begin the Award show!

93.5 RED FM Show stopper award- Goes to MTC buses for blocking the way for other vehicle at the traffic signal...they will stand and block the road in a lane, they won't drive in.

Bonkers serial honkers award- Is shared by over 1 million people, who are in the habit of honking their vehicles for others to move out, knowing there is no way out, or at traffic signals.

Stevie Wonder Colour blind award- Is shared by over 3 million people who speed up on seeing red signal...making traffic in the other lane wait for 5-6 seconds. Also goes to a million people who jump the red signal if the traffic in the other end isn't "heavy"

India Post Snail Award- Goes to all the cyclists, for driving in the middle of the road and not giving any 'opportunity' for other vehicles to overtake. The corners of the road is conveniently left for people to loadshed the 'waterfall'

Hutch-Airtel Blah-blah award- Goes to all the people who talk while riding...slowly and crappily. If they stop their vehicke and talk they'll be 'Obeying the Law', which they don't wanna do. Such people are the ultimate nuisance on the road, coz they don't even let you overtake.

Aviva 'Delayed decisions' Award- Goes to all the bikers who don't apply breaks in time due to multiple reasons, such as sight-seeing 'chicks'. On an event, when the front vehicle stops suddenly, they'll go and dash with their number-plate.

Whirlpool Fast Freeze Award- Goes to some walkers. They would choose the most inappropriate time to cross the road, and when see a vehicle speeding towards them...they'll neither move ahead or backward...they'll freeze in their place. Also they never move out of your way when you are honking behind them.

Agarwal Packers and Movers Award- Goes to all the people who carry 5 people in their 2- wheeler. The pillion riders are somehow packed in the two wheeler, kids are just hanged somewhere and they'll move. Such people are a nuisance coz they lose their balance while driving and ofcourse grab a lot of surface area.

91.7 BIG FM Award- Goes to all BIG trucks who 'must' travel only at 9 a.m, making the traffic move so slooooow

Oxford Dictionary Foul mouth Award- These drivers are a walking dictionary of bad words...cursing everyone they lay their eyes on...in loud voice. They irritate everyone on the road.

Pond's Anti Ageing Award- Goes to all drivers who being their grandfathers 4-wheelers on the road. Not only they are noisy, they are slow and often break down during peak hours in the middle of a narrow-junction.

WILLS Smoky Award- Due to popular demand the Award has two categories. The award is shared between people who smoke on the roads, irritating the non-smokers
and people whose vehicle gives away smoke like a chimney, choking the other people on the road.

PETA 'Save the buffalo' Award- Goes to all drivers with a buffalo sized nayi naveli chamchamaati gaadi, but don't have quarter the talent to drive it. The vehicle's so big that there's no space to overtake and their driving talents are so bad, that you're stuck behind them driving at 30 kmph.

And last, but not the least(definitely)

BOSE headphones Award- For everyone who drives a vehicle with a noise which even a deaf can hear. People fitting this category will be given innumerable BOSE headphones, which they can gift to other drivers for tolerating the noise.

The irritating assistant

Some people are just born to be irritating. Seeing my workload, it was good to get an assistant for my office...but all I got was complete wireframe idiot to assist me.

Irritating, ugly piece of sh*t! He's so pathetic that he doesn't even deserve to live.
He would ask me the most idiotic questions when I'm busy and irritate me with his silly antics. Wish I could change him...but I can't...I got no one else!

So will have to tolerate his utter crappy stupidity. ugly UGLY thing. Here are few pics of him, in his worst antics .........